@tracidw
Yes. I miss my "old" husband. I miss his intellect, his wit, his extraordinary ability to do all things tech-related. Sometimes I explode, but more rarely, and usually after he has asked me the same thing ten times in a row. Bottom line is that I would rather have him here as he is than not here, and there are actually aspects of this "new" husband that I like more. So, I hang on to those.
I realize how blessed I am to have caregivers in our home, paid for by the VA and long term care insurance. At almost 83, I just don't have the physical strength to deal with my husband's almost complete loss of control over his legs and much of the use of his arms. He is now in a wheelchair most of the time, and transferring him onto the toilet or into bed is a huge challenge when someone is not here. I just learned about our eligibility for the VA program eight months ago, and it has been a life saver. If any of you or your spouses may be eligible for VA benefits, I implore you to check them out. My husband retired from the Air Force in 1989, and it was just this last October that we became aware of and applied for benefits (other than his retirement pension and insurance).
So, yes, I grieve the loss of the intellectual exchanges that we so used to enjoy, but having help (no children and our other relatives live hundreds of miles away) from other sources is helping me stay well so that I can do everything I can to help my Rick preserve as much dignity as he can. I hope this helps somebody.