I read this with my mouth hanging open. This sounds exactly like my husband, the unreasonable expectations of himself, anger, telling you to leave. All the same. My husband's behaviors have been exaggerated by a recent surgery. The recovery did not go well because he would not follow doctor's orders. I don't know what to do and wonder how other women try to help their angry husbands.
In the meantime, I believe in a higher power and try to remember that it is his life yet the impulse to help and keep them safe takes precedence.
Blessings!