Dear @centre
The thought that whatever makes him happy is ok makes total sense rationally. That doesn't mean that you aren't left with another new delivery of loneliness and emotional weight. I am so sorry.

Sometimes it helps to separate out the various "strings" that form an emotional knot. I imagine that one string is the fact that while you were losing him gradually to the disease, you had come to understand that dynamic; but now, this is a whole new direction of loss. Furthermore, because the situation is so new, you can't move forward, aligning your thoughts and feelings; the full implications are not yet apparent.

I recently went through a period like this. The circumstances were different , but similar, in that the issue I faced was not something that was clear yet, and so I could not apply my usual tactics: Figure it out and take action. I realized that what would help me most was to Go With the Flow. Not try to figure it out right now. Not ruminate about what I might do or how it might unfold. The key facts were that: 1. It was not an emergency, 2. Many elements were out of my control, and 3. I would have more relevant information over time. I visualized myself literally becoming part of a flow, comfortably not ignoring that things are moving, but wisely not resisting that flow either. That helped but not entirely. I decided to meditate to empty my mind for a time. I had not done any mediation in over a decade, but it turns out it is like riding a bicycle. 🙂 I let all my thoughts drain out for a time and it was very helpful.

You are doing great and handling the situation with beautiful intent. Attend to your need for time and solace. Not with brooding or mere distraction, but with things that soothe and fill your spirit. For me it is the arts, for you it is....?

Hugs.