@doyel ,
Yes - you now must be the strong one. However, you need not feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself. That is a normal human emotion, given the situation in which you find yourself. After 66 years of marriage, I learned first hand what was meant by the term "Dementia". My wife contracted that terrible disease and I became a caregiver for the next six years. Today I'm feeling sorry for myself, because I no longer have her to take care of.
It was a difficult journey, a learning experience from the beginning. And....one of the earliest lessons I learned was not to get upset when my wife would verbally attack - which happened often in the early stages. The main focus at those times was to avoid responding in kind - avoid conflict at all costs. As you note, you're trying hard to do just that. Please keep on trying, the benefits will be your reward.
All the best to you, please know that those who have never been there just do not understand.