Connect
← Return to Early Alzheimers: He thinks he can do things he no longer can
Discussion
Early Alzheimers: He thinks he can do things he no longer can
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: May 10 7:21am | Replies (58)Comment receiving replies
Everybody! Good morning! I just read the comments here and it is unbelievable how similar what you all say is to our situation…my husband (not diagnosed formally yet) also thinks he is fine but is far from it.
He has taken over the banking and checkbook- after 47 years- hes decided i cant do it myself and he needs to take it over! 😳we have had some issues with it, but its because he messes with it- moves money around, into applepay, out of applepay— into applepay, out— and never writes it in anywhere. He doesn’t remember to. this causes the checkbook to become overdrawn — (has many times) — of course, from his shenanigans but he thinks the problem is me. I am now locked out.
Besides that— he nowis obsessed with projects he is completely unable to accomplish— now he wants to wrap our car which is $400 but also read a book and do it himself instead of bringing it in. I feel like im about to die of a stroke from the stress. you guys….there are moreof us in this boat out here…your stories help a lot.
Replies to "Everybody! Good morning! I just read the comments here and it is unbelievable how similar what..."
@rebeccagrover gosh, reading this makes me wonder how I would handle the "moving in and out of Apple Pay" - with short term memory loss, from what I've seen with my husband, you don't want him moving any money, anywhere. You can't be locked out, as if something happened to him, you need immediate access. I've been on my husband for us to "BOTH" do the bills, as I keep telling him, if he was to pass first, he has to show me what to do, to make it easier for me, or I would be stressing over how to do it. It's a bit of a stretch in the "I wouldn't be able to do it." Of course I would, but I don't know how to get him to give up control, so I'm making him think the problem is me. I created a typed sheet of all of our bill pays, and another sheet that shows Auto pay, etc. since he has a "ratted up book, I can't even read......He thinks the book is great, meanwhile, missed payments, double payments, and mistakes we find out about three months later. So, I've really had to get involved with any money transfers anywhere. PS, I keep tellling him, my getting involved has more to do with me, than him since we're up there in years, and if one goes before the other, we need access. Best, Karla
@rebeccagrover
My heart goes out to you and all the others struggling. My husband diagnosed about 5 months ago after prostate cancer. He now gets angry if you question what he is doing. He has left for an hour and returned and apologized. This is a very difficult disease. I really find comfort I all the suggestions from everybody!! Thank you and wishing you all strength
Connect
@rebeccagrover My cousin was doing something similar and blaming her partner, her kids and sisters originally believed her until they saw how erratic she is. Her son-in-law took over all but a small checking account into which a modest deposit is made monthly for her day to day expenses. They also set a limit on credit card purchases and balance, above the set amount her partner is notified and must pre-approve.
Perhaps you need to visit your banker and an attorney to figure out how to do the same. Also, set up autopay for most of your recurring bills. Open a separate account for husband to mess around with, give him view only access to savings and retirement/ investment accounts, lock credit reports so he can't open new accounts. The scammers are out there!
Can you possibly get him to agree to a full cognitive assessment? Since ha accuses you of having a problem, suggest you both do it? Do you have kids or other family members who can support you?