When best friends know your weaknesses and use them against you when you're together in a group it tends to stop you from trusting; When a husband who claims to love you and then cheats it again causes you not to trust.
When your stepfather won't keep his hands to himself, it's horrible.
When your boss constantly makes sexist remarks, it's miserable.
I only trust God. Man cannot be trusted. I've learned to live with it. Share only what doesn't really matter. If you need to confess or confide, go to God.

@liz223 I can "hear" the hurt in your words and I'm so sorry that you have had so many traumatic experiences involving others. I am glad that you can connect with God as well as with us here at Mayo Connect . I would like to ask one question, if I may: Might there be one person in your circle of acquaintances that might be worth some "incremental trust" (a small step approach)? Teresa

Teresa, thanks for your reply. I actually share thoughts with others, just not confidential facts. Also I have remained with my husband for almost 62 years even after learning not to trust him.. I have just learned that trusting is a dangerous place to go. It is painful when you're let down. I expect nothing from others. It's lonesome and I would love a good friend I could totally trust, but I don't think it's going to happen. I don't blame them, I just think it is the nature of man/woman to gossip or use facts against you. I'm a loner and I manage OK. I have lots of acquaintances and am outgoing, but no close friends. I totally trust my son, but do not share a lot of my feelings. I trusted my mom, but again did not share my feelings. I found that I couldn't even trust my pastors. Sad, isn't it? My dad wasn't trustworthy either. I loved him, but knew he couldn't be trusted. I do like internet friends. They're the best kind. 🙂

@liz223 I am glad that you found us! Blessings Teresa

@liz223

I've found that trusting God requires the same process as trusting people. Our trust grows the more we get to know him. Many people have a hard time with the idea of trusting a heavenly Father because of the terrible relationship with their earthly father. The father image is distorted because of abuse, abandonment, neglect, and so on, which means unlearning the bad father garbage, and discovering a new kind of father, who loves them, listens, cares, and who will never leave them. I'm sure that seems impossible to a lot of people, both women and men.

My own father was a good man who loved his 6 children and worked hard to provide for us. But he was always distant, couldn't express his love, and wasn't home much during the day. I had to set aside those dysfunctional traits, and learn about the one perfect father. It was a long process, but I don't regret the effort I put into it.

Jim

It took me a long time to learn to trust God also. However, I'm so glad I do. It took me through some pretty tough times, but you're right. I know He loves me, will never leave me and He never changes. He will not lie to us. I find peace with him.

@jimhd Yes, often our concept of God is colored by our earthly father's image. I remember reading a good, Your God is Too Small, that dealt with incorrect assumptions about who God is - good reading for those who seek to know God without the earthly limitations that we put on Him. Teresa

@hopeful33250 Thank you for tip on that book. I will see if my library has it.
Hope you are feeling well these days!   - Terri M.
 

@windwalker Nice to hear from you, Terri! It is an old book (published 41 years ago) the author is J.B. Phillips, not sure if a public library will have it, but you can sure look to see. Teresa

@liz223 Wow, I am so sorry to hear of the troubles you have had with people. Yes, when you open your heart to relationships, you can be hurt. I am an incest survivor. My father was/is a very sick man. My first husband beat me. In my youth, I trusted too quickly, and some used trusted information to hurt me. I don't know why some people are that way, but they exist. Yet, I never gave up. My mother is a good woman. I was lucky to have a good relationship with her. She gave me the gift of my faith. I never could have gone through everything I have been through without God. And I am cold stone serious about that - God truly has given me strength, direction and unconditional love. I have three wonderful sisters - a great blessing - who share history with me and understand me. I am on my third marriage - I guess the third time is a charm? At any rate, I at least learned, through therapy, to respect myself. I probably stayed with my first husband too long, but I did find the courage to leave him. My second husband cheated on me, and I found the courage to leave him. I have three children. Two girls and a boy with my second husband. I just knew something better was out there for me - and I was right. I had to learn how I was making bad choices based on my past. I also have a few very close friends who I call my "sisters by choice". I can tell them anything. I can trust them, and they can trust me. But it took knowing them for a long time before they became "inner circle" friends. I urge you to not give up, but also to trust slowly. Have you been to therapy? I know going to therapy over the years has really helped me. There are also some very good self-help books available.You can ask a therapist for recommendations for your particular issues. Also, I am on anti-depressants. They have really helped me to cope with various issues. They do not take the issues away, but they sure keep me from getting weighed down and ineffective. There ARE good people out there. Have you and your husband been to therapy about his infidelities? I know a friend who decided to stay with her husband after his affair, but only after he agreed to go to counseling. They worked through their issues and are still married. I pray you take some proactive measures to improve your life - like therapy, strengthening your relationship with God, some self-help reading or doing something you like just for you and possibly meeting some new friends. Don't give up. It is never too late to improve your life! Keeping you in my prayers and sending you hugs!