I'm just echoing Ryman's response. I'm totally on board with that. Growing up as I did, I was an extremely, "I can do it myself, I don't need anyone's help," kid and adult. I trusted no one til they proved themselves trustworthy. But .... then as I like to put it, "God started to take the bricks out of my wall." I know you probably don't get that, but it's too long a story to go into. Eventually, my wall became so weak, I knew my anxiety would eat me alive. "Just by chance" I happened to work for a Psychologist at the time who was a Christian. Little by little he shared with me - nothing earthshattering - just little tidbits from his own life. Now, I don't believe in "coincidence" and I do not think it was a coincidence that I was working with the person who had exactly what I needed. Just take this Board for example .... is it a coincidence that when someone shares their story, it touches someone elses heart and a lightbulb goes on in their head? I think not. I won't belabor this as we each must find our own way through this life, but one question we all much face some day ..... "what happens when we reach the end?"
Take care,
abby

@amberpep In reply to your last question, because I try to live my life with love and integrity, I don't worry about what happens when my life ends.

Also, I hope I didn't leave anyone with the impression that I think I can do everything without help or that I am arrogant. No one who knows me would describe me that way. I will say that I grew up pretty much on my own without parents and guidance. I went thru a time period of not being close to or trusting anyone else. I was very religious at that time. However as I became more mentally healthy, I took down my walls, shared my vulnerability and learned to love and trust. It's just that my decisions as a result of my experiences is different from those whose faith in God was deepened. I respect those who hold that belief.

It's always about finding inner peace and in turn being in a positive space.Getting rid of negativity can only be possible if one sits and meditate about things that drag is to a pit of hopelessness.In my opinion whatever brings a balance in our lives should be followed.Shouldn't matter whether it's religion or free thinking or a little bit of both.May you have a long and healthy life

@gailb, hi. Sorry to butt in. Just a statement. I dont trust anyone except my kids and my dog. And i still consider myself a Christian. Is that contradictory? It seems i cant wait til the end, yet i dont want to die. I just want to see Jesus in all his glory. I know i should trust, but ive been hurt so many times. My last husband made me believe there were people out to kill me and my family. Evidently, i knew too much about a grandson who was contractd to homeland security, and had supposedly killed people. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I stopped my kids from talking because they said my house was bugged. I lived in intemse fear for two years. It was obviously a. hoax, but why would someone do that to the person they profess to love? I will never understand why. That's why i dont trust.

@danybegood1

Trust is such a hard and complicated thing. I retired from the ministry when I was 55 because of depression, PTSD, anxiety and suicidal ideation. A chunk of that could be said to have been because of trust abuse. By that I mean abuse from people I thought I could trust. When I needed their support and understanding, they turned against me. They had no concept of what mental illness is.

I had a friend who was kind of a mentor to me, and one day we were talking about trust. He said that trust has to be proven. He would first trust someone with something small, and if they passed the test, he'd trust them with something a little more significant. And so on, until they had proven or earned his trust. I've tried to remember to follow that advice, and I was able to name, in time, a few people I knew I could trust. Those few people, after 25 years now, I'm certain of their trustworthiness.

I started seeing a therapist in 2006, and a major issue we worked on was letting go of the past people hurts. First came some discussion of who had hurt me over the years. That was hard because it stirred up a lot of pain and anger and bitterness, a lot of emotional sessions. After I had named the people and events, I did a fair amount of work to get to the point where I could begin forgiving. Between the hurt and the forgiving was a long process, and I think I'm not done yet. Of course, there's the matter of forgiving ourselves and letting out the guilt and the anger that was a poison.

I don't know why I wrote all that. I guess I tend to keep going past where I should have stopped.

One thing you might think about is the difference between trusting a person and trusting God. Have you thought about why you're stuck in this place of distrust? And maybe think about what it would be like to be unstuck. Just things that I've been working on for the past decade.

Thank you for being so open with the group. That might have been hard. But there are some good people in the group who may want to share how they feel about trust.

Jim

@jimhd Your formula for developing trust in people is so good, Jim! I have a friend who describes it like concentric circles, where you start trusting someone on the furthest circle from the center. As they prove trustworthy, you begin trusting them with more details - some people make it to the "inner circle" but not everyone. I've found that to be a great word picture. Your post reminded me of that! Teresa

@danybegood1 If you did have a good relationship with your ex-husband he himself is probably paranoid and may have honestly
thought he was looking out for your well-being. It really is hard to figure out other people though.
JK

@jimhd, thank you jimhd. You can go on as. Long as you want. I will think on all this.
Judy

@danybegood1, I guess it's often pretty easy to tell who not to trust. I'm sorry you were hurt and lied to. You didn't deserve the deception and mistreatment. I believe that you'll one day be healed from the scars, and will be able to go on with your life.

Jim

@danybegood1 Judy: I'm glad that you brought up this topic of trust. I agree with Jim. Please remember that rebuilding trust in people is a process. It is best done by taking a "small-step" approach, I think of it as trusting people in increments. Over time you will find those who are worthy of your trust and you will be more comfortable with them. Teresa