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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: Apr 19 10:46pm | Replies (253)Comment receiving replies
What a day we have had the worst ever…. My husband was not feeling well and said he felt pressure on his chest I thought it better that we check it out at ER. We were given a room while they did blood work and a CT,
And the doctor said he would recommend a stress test because an echo scan which he recently had does it always show everything. My husband kept saying I don’t want to stay can’t they order the test for tomorrow and I can go home with you, it was the worse feeling ever but not realizing the worse was to come. I went with him to his room and got him settled but he pulled off his blood pressure, monitor oxygen etc and tried to rip out his IV.
I let for an hour for dinner and it appeared all seemed okay that they were handling these issues. Upon my return I find they have him restrained to say he was not happy was an underestimate he was furious. He somehow managed to remove the restraints which took three nurses to get them back on and my husband swearing and pleading please don’t put them on me. It was the worse he pleaded with me and asked me to remove them when I said I couldn’t he said wait until you need something, while I was there he managed to get them off 2 more times so I asked the nurses give they could give him some thing to relax and sleep which they did. Meanwhile he is still pleading with me and I said I was going to go home as nothing I could do helped .His reply was if you leave don’t be there when I come home I don’t want to see you again. I wish I had never taken him there and I am scared of the repercussions of him being restrained and if it will make his dementia worse. Right now I hate myself how could I have left him he would never have done that to me……😩😩
Replies to "What a day we have had the worst ever…. My husband was not feeling well and..."
@jeanadair123 oh my goodness- you poor girl! You cannot feel guilty that you went to have dinner! Theres no way you couldve known he would have problems— this disease is so awful— its not your fault— its not his— its the disease. Im sorry for you— because we never want our husbands to become upset like that, or to be restrained— but the dementia caused it, not you.
Dont hate yourself— you are a good wife- a good caretaker— and you are in unchartered waters whether you want to be or not…be kinder to yourself…it's going to be ok… this too shall pass. You are not alone.
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@jeanadair123 Sometimes it is difficult to know the right course of action to take for our loved ones. We believe the health care providers know best, however in the case of a patient with dementia, the physician should have known to handle this situation differently. Unless your husband’s life had been at risk, he should have let him go home and return the next day for the test. Everything your husband endured while spending the night there couldn’t have been good for him mentally or physically.