Support Group for Those of Us Living With Mild Dementia

Hello all,
I am so tired of hearing the word "loved one" or the person you "love" has MCI and how to deal with the one you "love." Sad to say, I do not love my husband. There, I said it out loud. Because of his needy, easily offended, demanding and silent treatment when he didn't get his way from the get go, he destroyed the love I had for him during our dating days. The man transformed from a fun loving happy guy overnight, literally overnight! But I had committed to keeping a family together and I was pregnant so I sucked it up all these years (53) for my kids and grandkids. Now, after all his medications, surgeries, mental episodes, his 20 years of blaming me for his unhappiness, I have to hear all this gushy love stuff from people who had good marriages....I'm so exhausted but trying to look at the bright side as well. Because he can't remember, he actually is easier to be around in that way but incredibly needy and dependent on me for his security (!)....So there you go, I think if I had good memories of our relationship I could be more compassionate - I'm so envious of people who actually Love their patient/spouse. That must be so nice.

@ashley43725
O yes,
How do you know ?

Hello all,
I am so tired of hearing the word "loved one" or the person you "love" has MCI and how to deal with the one you "love." Sad to say, I do not love my husband. There, I said it out loud. Because of his needy, easily offended, demanding and silent treatment when he didn't get his way from the get go, he destroyed the love I had for him during our dating days. The man transformed from a fun loving happy guy overnight, literally overnight! But I had committed to keeping a family together and I was pregnant so I sucked it up all these years (53) for my kids and grandkids. Now, after all his medications, surgeries, mental episodes, his 20 years of blaming me for his unhappiness, I have to hear all this gushy love stuff from people who had good marriages....I'm so exhausted but trying to look at the bright side as well. Because he can't remember, he actually is easier to be around in that way but incredibly needy and dependent on me for his security (!)....So there you go, I think if I had good memories of our relationship I could be more compassionate - I'm so envious of people who actually Love their patient/spouse. That must be so nice.

@craigbyrom
The cognitive patch I use is rivastigmine . Works very well for me with no noticeable side effects.
I could drown in melancholy, if not for my hobbies and positive mind set. I live my days as if nothing is wrong with me. Lewy body will take over every aspect of your life if you give it the lead.
I’m having a muscle spasm- must be Lewy. Leg tremors- must be Lewy, etc, etc to infinity.
I’m not saying that you should go singing and skipping in the woods while wearing flowers in your hair 24/7, just realize not every twitch or sniffle is caused by Lewy body. Regards, Ashley

I am 75 yrs old and my spouse is 81. He thinks, I have dementia and I think he has dementia.
We both have been forgetting few things on and off.
He will not get tested, as he firmly believes, I am the one w dementia and not him!
Who can help us to get tested and where do we have to start?
I am ready to get tested and diagnosed, for I believe in early Intervention.
Please help direct me and guide me. Thank you.
VJ

I’m a 77 year old woman and I live in Columbia MD. I’m married with grown daughters and grandchildren. I was a university professor and have a PhD.

I was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia. I had a full battery of tests at Hopkins and this was the result. While it was a huge shock, I had been diagnosed with MCD 4 years ago and again 1 year ago. When I received the diagnosis of MCD there was no mention of any treatment or things I could do to stop or slow it down at the time.

I was angry, frightened, confused, and angry. I’m getting over that but I’m not yet at acceptance. How is everyone here facing this diagnosis?

@vijay26 My husband and I were in the same situation 2 1/2 years ago. I really thought his memory was worse than mine, and he thought the opposite. I finally said, If I get tested, will you? So we both got tested & had MRIs. Then they said they’d need to do PT scans, which I did & my husband refused to do. The upshot was my diagnosis with MCI, not Alzheimer’s. He was supposed to get retested in a year or two, but he won’t go.

Right now, he drives me to all my follow-ups, which are an hour away. I’m really worried about what will happen if neither of us can drive, deal with money matters, etc. We did give our daughter Power of Attorney, but she lives 4 hours away, plus I can’t see my husband giving up the reins.

We’re on a wait list for a continuum of care place closer to her, but that would involve moving & finding all new doctors (overwhelming), plus he keeps fixing up the house to age in place. He’s doing much better than I am, physically.

I’ve got heart problems, so maybe I won’t be around, so maybe I should stop worrying about it all…?

Hi Susan, thanks for your note. I do have vascular dementia as confirmed by CT scans last autumn. I was diagnosed with MCI about 3 years ago based on written and oral tests. But now I show my red blood vessels are shrinking and my memory is a bit worse. I also have some minor gait issues. I’ve been prescribed 2 drugs, memantine and Rivastigmine (a patch I change daily). And I have put myself on the Mind Diet (easy to find on the internet). A big change in my eating habits but I hope, worthwhile.
I’m 77 years old, married with 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren. I live in Columbia. I garden. I read, but don’t remember much day to day - a huge pain! We love to travel and so far, that’s OK.
I’m you want to chat privately, text me at 14107074398.
It’s not a death sentence, yet☺️

@fletchette: Hi Pattee! Thank you for your frankly honest post of your feelings since your MCI diagnosis.
This caregiving role, after increasing changes in my loving husband, is very difficult for me to accept. This group’s sharing of their experiences dealing with daily cognitive/behavioral changes is the only thing I have to prepare me for this unwanted new role.
Your ability to see and feel your decline gives me insight on how my reaction to his actions make a difference. I now see that his negative attitudes, hateful words and persistence to do everything “his” way is founded in his frustration and not understanding why he is not the same man.
I want to respond with empathy to this crisis in our marriage. I’m very sorry when my “patience” wears thin (even after a difficult communicative day). Your post gave me encouragement to make tomorrow better for both of us.
Hugs to you! Bette. dbamos1945