@karen@karen00- You don't have to ever apologies for not answering right away. I know that you are having a really really bad time, your written words speak volumes. I think that right now you need to connect with a some emotional support. I understand that there is tension between you and your brother too. So you really need someone who will give you some emotional support.
Do you have a counselor who you can call?
I'm so glad that you have an appointment with your pain guyi, but you also need to make that other call. Don't you think that it's time?