@papersoup I've read quite a few things in the responses to your very vulnerable post, that have potential to help you with your feelings about yourself. I'd suggest you let your therapist read what you wrote. It could really help them know how to help you. I tend to be more open and honest with my therapists, maybe sometimes a bit too much. But it actually helps me feel better about where I am when I spill my guts to them.

My therapist posts his notes on My Chart, and I read what he writes between sessions to think about what he said and what I said, and sometimes it helps just to review and assess how I'm doing since the last session. It makes me think about what I can do to feel better about myself. I'm afraid I'm not so good at that.

Lots of people have complimented me over the years, and I usually accept what they say, but inside, I think things like "yeah, but you don't know what's going on in my life and my mind". I've tried to work on that attitude for decades, and I think I'm making progress.

I don't see a "boring" person in what you wrote. I see sensitivity. I hear you. You have a desire for a life different from what you're experiencing.

I think that most people are discontented with their lives at some level. We have to admit that we aren't perfect, that there are things we can do differently to improve our lives. Small things.

I'm preaching to myself here. But I hope you hear words you need to hear that will lead you forward.

Blessings

Jim