@elainer12 I have four kids. No, you cannot control someone else's behavior.

I had four children; two boys and two girls.

Now I know very well, two grown women and two grown men. I used to worry constantly about the "children", how they are doing, managing life, their ups and downs.

All my worrying did nothing; it didn't help, it didn't make me feel any better. So I started calling them women and men, not my "children". Having children is simply a phase in my life, not a forever role.

So I stopped worrying. Cold turkey.

Did they worry about me? No. Did they appreciate my worry and my laying awake at night? No. My emotional turmoil? No.

I asked myself those things in the mirror. The answer was no to everything. In addition, I considered my expectations of the role these four were to play in my life and my expectations were - to put it mildly, stupid.

I should not expect my grown kids to need me for anything nor should I expect them to care about me simply because I was the mother they were born to.

Kids are simply a gift from God for the time they are kids. Once they are adults, they make choices I cannot be responsible for.

I decided my job as a parent was over. I mourned the role for a year or two and sad as it felt:

I feel free and happy now. I did my job the best I could. I no longer am responsible for their lives.

They are: because they are adults.

Hang in there. No we can't control their behavior and I keep my distance so I don't watch or see them do stupid things and make poor choices. Experience is now their teacher, not me.