How do I learn how to live without my husband and my mom

It's good of you to recognize some defects or limitations in yourself, and also to accept that you WANT TO change. That's very encouraging....I hope you understand that. It's a very positive sign that you wish to improve certain aspects of your existence.

I am not a therapist, but I do understand depression and general stress and anxiety. There is one thing you can do that will almost be the super-pill, but it requires mobility, motivation, and consistency: going for a walk once or twice each day. Donning a coat and hat as required, good shoes, nothing coming up in the next two hours or more.....and you head out the door and go explore your neighbourhood. Or, take a bus/Uber to the local park or trails and start walking. The idea is to be outdoors, doing something you'll eventually come to love and to want to do regularly, you'll see people who are also regulars, maybe befriend one or two of them, but you'll also help your brain. Exercises, even something as mundane as walking, can improve brain function, heart and vascular function, and improve mood. Yes, it is empirically demonstrated by people in your circumstances that exercise and walking improves their mood. It is also when walking that we can do thinking and problem solving. Charles Darwin is famous for his daily strolls. He had a loop of maybe 400 meters. He would pick up small pebbles and put them in his pocket. He would drop a pebble every time he passed 'Go' on the loop, and when his pocket was empty, he'd return to his den and begin to write.

I have no motivation to walk or exercise all I want to do is sleep on my days off...I had signed up to go to planet fitness and only been like twice since hubby died 9 months ago. I know it will be good for me just getting motivated to go. Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary we been together for 14 years and he's not here to celebrate. Thanks for responding to me and for your input. It means the world to me.

tracilinn, be gentle with yourself. For a long while after this type of loss all we can do is continue the habit of being. You are getting to work and to church and that is enough success.
I had to laugh that no one wants to eat your cooking anyway. You don't like to cook, so you shouldn't. Following a recipe can give you perfect spicing, easy but not that much fun and can be a lot of work.
I really like to cook and everyone want to eat my cooking, not because of my skills, but because they don't want to cook.
Going to an exercise class might be too difficult, but you might try short walks, just around the area where you live. Ten minutes. It's easier if you decide ahead of time and don't remake the decision every day.
Don't ask yourself to be independent (no one really is) or to cook, or to be cheerful, energetic or gay. Sleep on your days off. Gradually, very gradually things will get easier.

Thanks gently! I appreciate your kind words!

Our 3 year anniversary was yesterday and I worked graveyards the night before and had to work graveyards that night so I slept all day...my heart is just broken!

@tracilinn I am in the middle of grief from losing my wife 7 months ago after 58 years of marriage. Lack of motivation is totally normal with strong grief. The most helpful thing for me has been a grief support group and a grief counselor. Most people have no idea what grief is like until they are in it. I sure didn’t. Allowing your self to cry is helpful too. Anniversaries like you mentioned are especially painful but then pass. GriefShare is a free support group offered by churches around the country. Just be aware it takes a religious approach but the information is what you need. Grief is not the same as depression although it can lead to depression. I’m sorry you have to go through this but we grieve because we loved the one we lost.