Dear Shelly. Your message is powerful. The uncertainty of anyone’s future facing similar circumstance as yours leave so many heavy questions in ones mind. Hang in there. You are doing the best you possibly can do. You are making a difference to those you love around you by leading with courage and thought. Your children know your love for them is eternal by your brave face you wear every day. My own father suffered from cancer and the effects of treatment. Do not give up, never, not ever in your fight. It is ok to feel the way you are feeling. To be perfect is unattainable, just be yourself is the goal. Our daughter is in surgery as I read your post. Keep the faith. A breakthrough is imminent for your cancer. I read about CAR T immunotherapy helping stage 4 cancer patients. Keep on your journey and be a believer in the medicine to come. I only wish I could do more for you. Sending love and positive energy to you and your family. Kindest wishes. Craig