My husband has End Stage Renal Disease, on home peritoneal dialysis, as a result of kidney damage from chemo he was allergic to. That was for inoperable pancreatic cancer that, very oddly, has been slow growing. He is also diabetic, with no sense of when his glucose is low or high. We finally got him on one of those Freestyle Libré 3 continuous glucose monitors and I can get his readings and alerts on my phone. From so many hospitalizations his lumbar spine has gone stenosis, which is very painful any time he moves. He is bent double and his ability to get around is getting worse. He also seems to be having more instances of brain fog. It has been four years since the pancreatic cancer diagnosis, with things get progressively more complicated. Now he needs wound care for a foot wound he did not even know he had because of the diabetic neuropathy in his feet.
I'm pretty positive, and am grateful that I have been able to take care of him, but I see myself wearing down, and by the late afternoon I'm pretty much toast. Learning to cook once and eat thrice has been helpful, but cooking, per se, is not so much fun any more because my energy is already committed to helping him, managing his dialysis set-up daily and the supplies for it monthly, the medications, the wound care, taking care of the house, and all the rest, which you all know all too well.
Two things I have done for myself lately are to connect with a caregiver's group locally, which has been wonderful, and hiring someone to come in and do some cleaning weekly so I can do the stuff that only I can do. I'm also taking more naps. My husband is always encouraging me to go take a nap. That's so sweet and I love that he's trying to take care of me back, but at this point he is clueless of all that has to be done. So I just hug him and tell him I'll do it soon.
The state has an agency on aging, with resource directories. I also searched online for caregiver resources local to me. I found an Elder Network that has very caring people and good resources that I expect I will look into more and more. They host the Caregiver's support group I attend when I can.
My spiritual path teaches me that my biggest job is forgiveness, whether it be for my husband's inability to do anything quickly, or not wanting to take his meds I so carefully organize and present to him several times a day; for the lines at the grocery store; how long it takes to do something simple; for the insanity of the world these days; for my personal challenges, like distractibility; my piles of paper, technical challenges, etc. This object of my forgiveness does not have to deserve to be forgiven, and often may be oblivious to there being something (in my mind) to forgive, The forgiveness is for me. If I think most people are doing the best they can with what they think they know, then it is only in my mind that they might have done something wrong. I can let that opinion, conception, whatever, bug or obsess me, become a grudge I carry, and keep me frozen in some way, or I can forgive it and let it go, and focus on what is right in front of me - a dear person for whom I have the chance to make the end of life better, and my own, as well, with hopefully no regrets down the road. And on the days when it is all too much, a good shower cry can be very cathartic, and remind me that my faith is carrying me.
Blessing to us all!