Recurrence Fears - How do you cope?

Your fears are perfectly normal. Part of your post-cancer life is spent looking over your shoulder, concerned it is following you. And of course, you're worried that this time it's going to be bigger and more aggressive than last. I was diagnosed in 2019 and had surgery in September 2020, followed by chemo, radiation and I'm now on Tamoxifen. I hope you have talked about your fears to someone in your oncologist's office. Maybe the PA or NP. When I was really anxious, my oncologist ordered an ultrasound as well as the mammogram.
The fact is, you've been through cancer and cancer treatment. You have already faced it. It's no walk in the park but you did it and got through it. You don't need to worry about it. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back.
Do what you can to prevent recurrence by keeping your weight down, exercising regularly, limiting alcohol consumption and not smoking.
You know all this and I know sometimes it's easier said than done. Keep engaged in activities you enjoy so that you're not dwelling on it, especially before the mammogram appointment. Now here's a difficult part. Be aware of your body. Don't jump at every pinprick you feel but if something is nagging you, let your oncology team know.
You might try yoga or T'ai Chi. (which I like). AARP has a free T'ai Chi class by Zoom. Learning some relaxation techniques can be helpful. If you really can't calm down, talk with your doctor or PA.
You mention that you don't have support of other survivors. I think Mayo Clinic Connect is fantastic but you might also want to check out SHARE Caner Support.org I called them first. 844-ASK SHARE (844-275-7427.
The person on the other end of the phone will be a woman who has had a female cancer. She put me in touch with someone who had lymphedema (which I have.) and that woman recommended a Zoom support group.
You will meet women from all over the country who are at different stages of their cancer treatment. They also have writing workshops and webinars. They are affiliated with another group, Moving for Life, which has in person (if you are in NY) and Zoom exercise and meditation classes every day of the week.
I hope this helps.

I completely understand. When I finished my 5 year treatment plan, I surprisingly was not proud or happy; I was terrified that the plan that kept me alive is gone. I did talk with the oncology NP because no one told me this is very normal. I increased my anti-depressant too and did a lot of soul searching to trust that God has me in his hands. Very challenging time, I agree. I also spoke with a number of cancer survivors and was reassured that this was a very normal reaction

I think non-contrast Breast MRIs, for people who still have one or both breasts, after breast cancer surgery and treatment. Unfortunately, I don't think most medical insurance will pay for it. If I had the money, I would do it once a year, to catch it in time to possibly save myself. Stand- alone MRI Clinics can negotiate with you for a price. Good news, Everyone! New, smaller, lighter, cheaper, MRI machines are being made and used, which will bring down the cost for us. One new machine is called the 630 kg. Swoop. $250,000.00 instead of millions. This is possible, right now, if people could get together in their communities and make it happen. Here is an article about non-contrast MRIs to find recurrence of Breast Cancer: Radial Clin North Am. 2024 Mar 7; 62 (4); 661-678. PMID38777541. I need a chest and abdomen non-contrast MRI, because I have no breasts. One mastectomy in 2020, and the other one in 2024. I was told that if I had had a breast MRI the year before the cancer showed up, it would have been found in 2023. This second one is high grade, high Oncotype DX. So cancer spread an extra year before my mastectomy.

Be present, go visit friends in-person, less texting.
I started seeing a therapist as I wanted to quit Tamoxifen due to side effects.
My therapist prescribed a device called Alpha Stim. It helps to keep my mind calm, not swirl with anxiety or depression.
I have completed 1 yr of Tamoxifen, have 4 more years and an upcoming Mayo appt in April. The Alpha Stim keeps me from creating my own fears.

I had 13 rounds of chemo and my tumor shrunk 1/2. The surgery was planned the next month to do a single mastectomy but i got covid. Within 2 months my tumor had grown again. I have Brca2 and Her2 + mutations. After surgery, one month later, i developed a blood clot. My 2nd surgery was 10 months later. But by then the tumor was removed through mastectomy and the 2nd breast removed after 10 months for prevention. I think i will ask about the MRI machines. As i have been told i will only get an ultrasound once a year. Anything else would only be done if something is seen on the ultrasound. I hit five years since original diagnosis.

You just live your life. Be concerned about your health but don’t let your fears prevent you from living.
How can you prevent it from happening again? If we knew that answer we’d be rich and famous.
So you go on living each day as if it’s a wonderful gift. And if it comes back…you deal with it then.