Am a nurse as well as a gerontologist. It drives me insane when primary care doctors and any other provider has never endured what you are experiencing.

I see it over and over and over again. The doctor/PCP is thinking "Let the spouse handle it". Well, what about the HEALTH of the spouse, doc? It borders on negligence, when providers do not fully analyze a situation such as yours, or refer you to a specialist in degenerative neurology. Another area I see this is in Parkinson's patients.

These providers have RARELY if EVER been in your situation. They pat the spouses hand, listen a bit (if you are lucky) and send you out the door. The elephant is still in the room, unaddressed.

My advice in this sort of situation is: If a loved one is stressing you so much, as well as not recognizing you, and no family has stepped up to help you, you save yourself. Do not worry about what "others" will say because THEY are not living your life with him.

It is definitely time to place them in a care home or a facility: when it is a question of safety, bursts of anger/aggression or the caregiver is losing sleep.

Save yourself because a spouse with advancing dementia is already in a sinking ship and you do NOT want to go down with the ship.

It isn't abandonment: it is looking at reality and you have done your very best and are nearing the end of your rope. It is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about.

God is the one in control of this situation. Talk to God and let him take over. I wish the best for you, lots of strength on your very difficult path. You will be ok and get through this.