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Last of my family foundation

Posted by cmankin1 @cmankin1, Mar 9 6:41pm

I am 54 and lost my dad when I was in my 20’s that I was very close with, to cancer. Lost my brother also to cancer in my 30’s. lost my mom to a massive stroke 6 years ago and then my sister to brain cancer 3 years ago. To add to it all , my best friend who was my support through all of this suddenly died of a heart attack a few weeks prior to my sister.
It’s felt like I haven’t been able to catch my breath or grieve from one loss before being hit with another. I have been in depression rut I just cant seem to get out of. Still wondering why I am the last one left on earth without my family. I have grown children but they live in different states. But I still feel alone with my family foundation gone. Anyone else been through something similar and can relate?

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mrmacabre | @mrmacabre | Mar 10 2:00pm

My current situation is somewhat similar to yours if not quite as extreme. I grew up with 3 sisters down in SO. CAL. until our parents retired and moved north to Washington state in 1990. Eventually all 4 of us relocated our families up here to be closer to our parents, as well as just getting the hell out of California.
Our dad died in 2001 of liver cancer, and then our mom died in 2010 from complications from diabetes. However, our older sister died in 2020 at the age of 64 from a massive infection in her spine. After this happened, our brother in law sold the house and moved to Arizona to be alone. Then 2 years ago both of my younger sisters moved to South Carolina to get out of Washington states crappy weather and lack of sunshine.
This has left me as the oldest member of my family in a state that I can't stand living in due to the weather and the political leadership here. We used to have family gatherings several times a year to celebrate b'days, mom's day, dad's day, etc. If we're lucky, we might see my sisters a couple of times a year now. I'm already dealing with chronic pain due to osteoarthritis and neuropathy, along with clinical depression. I've been "retired" for over 10 years now, but my wife is still working to support us, so I spend most of my time alone in the house everyday. Both of our kids and their families live locally, yet getting to spend time with them is like pulling hen's teeth. They always seem to have other plans, and it's obvious, to me anyway, that spending time with us isn't anywhere near a high priority of theirs.
So I feel like you in some ways, I'm the oldest living member of the family, but spend the vast majority of my time alone everyday, and it's not fun is it?

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cmankin1 | @cmankin1 | Mar 12 10:37am
In reply to @mrmacabre "My current situation is somewhat similar to yours if not quite as extreme. I grew up..." + (show)
Profile picture for mrmacabre @mrmacabre

My current situation is somewhat similar to yours if not quite as extreme. I grew up with 3 sisters down in SO. CAL. until our parents retired and moved north to Washington state in 1990. Eventually all 4 of us relocated our families up here to be closer to our parents, as well as just getting the hell out of California.
Our dad died in 2001 of liver cancer, and then our mom died in 2010 from complications from diabetes. However, our older sister died in 2020 at the age of 64 from a massive infection in her spine. After this happened, our brother in law sold the house and moved to Arizona to be alone. Then 2 years ago both of my younger sisters moved to South Carolina to get out of Washington states crappy weather and lack of sunshine.
This has left me as the oldest member of my family in a state that I can't stand living in due to the weather and the political leadership here. We used to have family gatherings several times a year to celebrate b'days, mom's day, dad's day, etc. If we're lucky, we might see my sisters a couple of times a year now. I'm already dealing with chronic pain due to osteoarthritis and neuropathy, along with clinical depression. I've been "retired" for over 10 years now, but my wife is still working to support us, so I spend most of my time alone in the house everyday. Both of our kids and their families live locally, yet getting to spend time with them is like pulling hen's teeth. They always seem to have other plans, and it's obvious, to me anyway, that spending time with us isn't anywhere near a high priority of theirs.
So I feel like you in some ways, I'm the oldest living member of the family, but spend the vast majority of my time alone everyday, and it's not fun is it?

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@mrmacabre Sounds like we have a little more in common besides grief too. I suffer from a lot of medical issues too. I have had a couple spine surgeries over the past couple years and still have medical stuff I need to deal with. But me and my boyfriend of 18 years moved to New Mexico 3 years ago because of a job offer, and the medical service here is horrible.
We are working on moving back but its not that easy. Luckily, we still have our house back in Illinois.That’s where I stay when I travel back to see my specialist about every 4-6 weeks.The progress has been slow and frustrating.
17 ½ hour car ride one way starts taking a toll on you after a while. When I am not traveling for that, I am home alone with our dog ,12 hours a day ,while my boyfriend is at work. We moved here knowing no one and its still pretty much the same. Don’t get me wrong, I love the boyfriend and dog, but it would

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pml | @pml | 6 days ago

I'm so sorry that you've had all these losses of family members and friends. That is so hard on a person. My husband died in 2024. He had lung cancer and was 83. He was the last of his family. I'm going to be 80 in May and all of my family are dead also except for one son who hasn't spoken to me in 20 years. Right before my husband died, my best friend also died. I know they are all up in Heaven and eventually we'll be reunited again but only in God's time. Why did I get left behind? It's hard to deal with the loneliness. I've found praying or rather just talking to God helps. And he does answer my prayers. I have been blessed with very nice neighbors who visit when they can and help me with things but as people are these days they are often very busy. Also I am incontinent so that limits where I go and for how long. However, this website has been so wonderful for me! The people on here are so kind and help take away some of the loneliness! Thank you for that! Between the nice people on Mayo Connect and all the cleaning and gardening I have to catch up on because I took care of my husband for several years with his lung cancer, I don't have time to be lonely!
PML

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