@derinda thank you for your remark. guess it really boils down to the meds, for a few years mine was alcohol and drugs of various kind. cost me a couple of hospital trips, too much or wrong kind of experimenting. getting brought back from the brink of life being done is a scary note to sober you up. A hard look at what the medications and withdrawals that almost again took my life from anaphylactic shock and had to be jumpstarted once again. life's challenges and up and down tests. took a good wakeup call from those around me that worried over my survival and a very hard wake up pill and i changed my life, lost a wife from my faults and another wife that lasted 26 years to a hemorrhagic stroke and some friends and family for a while. I moved on. After two war zones, 4 marriages and starting from scratch 5 times i can say i have tested the waters to their splash point. Now i am single and starting all over again, this time from brain surgery twice and a keester load of meds that i don't want to take but told because of seizures i have too or face again deaths doors. instead of sit back and let life lead again, i exercise two different plans and ride stationary bike 10 miles every day except Sunday that is a rest day. my caregiver that is with me 5 days a week recently started taking me places to meet people that are in my age bracket and were starting to do things, long walks and eating right. I turn 70 this year and i feel like i am just getting wound up for new adventures and i don't give up, i have overcome severe anxiety, depression and loneliness that were all challenges and still take a part of me at least once a week but i am not letting that beat me down, even being sick 72 hours with a stomach bug did not make me stop my programs. Slowed me down but back at it again this day. today i did my routine and then stopped to pray for family and friends, had a few deaths this month and friends that needed my prayer chains started for them or just a personal prayer so that they could face their demons and carry on. one last thing on this subject. I have an angel hie name is Richard and i asked him this morning to send a couple angels with gods permission to protect those in my family traveling this weekend to services for a couple family members that recently passed and a personal friend also that i just found out through a friend. So yes life goes on and i am thankful not only for family and friends and caregivers but this link to Mayo clinic connect and its family of thousands needing an answer or a place to turn to when needed or to ask for just prayers from a stranger. A gathering of those in need or just looking for answers its a great site for every kind of group you could think of for support or put out a message for others to read. Ok i am done with my book today, sorry if i bounced around to much, it has been a long month already. Have a blessed day today for you and your families and friends alike. Amen