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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 7 hours ago | Replies (571)Comment receiving replies
@kmliste It is exhausting all of the time, and so very lonely. I don't think I can ever learn to smile and walk away. H is pretty stable, too. People outside of our family that know his diagnosis (whatever that is) say he doesn't seem like he's any different, boy do I wish that were true. He can be mean, he thinks he's always right and will look up things as soon as I say them to see if I'm right and delights if he has the slightest differentiation. When he gets confused in a conversation we're having or we're talking in circles (again), well you said, well you said, well I thought, blah blah blah, he will take a high and mighty stance and will say something like "ok, let's go back and go over this again!" and proceeds to explain what I said or did wrong and his version of how it played out, which is a confabulation. sometimes even telling me that I "need to learn". So very out of character for the man I married that was so understanding, kind, sweet, etc., etc.
Since he is still super independent, I find my self avoiding him and keeping very busy all day in every room except the one he's in, glued to the tv and his phone. I cry a lot because I hate this life and facing the future.
I'm sorry, I just realized I totally vented on you. I really wasn't replying to you to be all about me, but I'm leaving it so you know there are others grappling and so anyone else coming by will know they are not alone.
Bless you and keep on keeping on.
Replies to "@kmliste It is exhausting all of the time, and so very lonely. I don't think I..."
@lkbous I have the very same issues as you described above. In fact, his family tells me that he seems fine. He has some days better than others, but when he has a bad day I experience what I call “teenage girl mouth.” He challenges everything I say, gets angry and tells me I make him feel stupid. I too avoid as much as possible on these days.
He did better on the written test this last time than before, but for MCI I am not sure that paper test is always an accurate reflection of what we caregivers experience at home. Hang in there and know you are not alone.
@lkbous
I very much appreciated your post. You came close to describing us to a T. Your description of circular discussions— well, I refuse to engage any longer. Like you, I try to stay away from him most of the time. There is not one thing he does not find fault. It gets old really fast. With some things he is sharp as a tack. He is still pleasant in public so like you people may not get that he has an issue. I sometimes think he can help himself. Like you said,
Mine gets mean. He was not that way before; stubborn, yes. But now it is in spades.
I appreciate every word you have written. Please feel free to write any time. I feel like my life is “ kind of” gone.
I finally told someone from church and she was stone silent…. I don’t mean she was unfeeling. She was asking why I am not always in church with him. I explained to her that sometimes I can’t take it any more and it is my only time away from him. ( Our congregation offers online church services.
@lkbous I am totally the same. We went to the doctors today, shopping etc and then had lunch at home. After lunch he asked if we were going out today. I’m so exhausted and like you wonder what the future holds. I have had three bad days and it hard watching everything you say so as not to upset him. I am mentally drained and so tired. We will no doubt get through this it’s just going to be one day at a time and more tears no doubt knowing I am losing the love of my life who tells me at least 10 times a day how much he loves me. More tears now.
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@lkbous I hear you. My situation isn't as dire as yours, but I share the angst and resentment you feel. And knowing it will only get worse. I'm more than happy to listen to you anytime. We all need a way to feel understood and not judged. You're not alone. We're not alone. These feelings are real and their valid. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗