I don't believe I currently engage in what would be considered self-harm or self-destruction in the conventional sense. Scissors aren't the most dangerous tool for me now, because I've attempted suicide before and I no longer dare to do so. There isn't a single knife in my home; at most, there are scissors. Unless I'm in a state of complete loss of control, I might use blunt scissors to repeatedly scrape my arms. It won't draw blood, nor will I lose control; it just causes pain, sharp pain, which brings me back to my senses. I earnestly believe my most severe issue is that I now steer every action towards its worst possible outcome. For instance, when a friend messages me, I know how to reply normally and how to reply in a way that would make them uncomfortable. Yet I deliberately choose the uncomfortable response, or simply end the conversation. Similarly, when faced with several possible actions, I'll deliberately pick the one that risks making things worse.