Alcoholism and addiction is the craziest disease. It is a dis-ease of mind, body, and spirit. I have posted many times my battle with it. I have also posted many times about my partner of 28 years' battle and finding him dead in the floor of our kitchen from the disease. I know that battle. In AA they call it the "jumping off" point where one can't see life with the substance and can't see life without it. This is the lowest of the low. I will speak from my own experience. I knew it was going to kill me and yet, I could not stop. It is like having two different people inside and it is as I believe the mind (which is different than the brain) my mind, anyway, has the alcoholic part and the sober part. As of 12/16/17, the sober part of my mind is stronger and I rely on other people and the Spirit of the Universe to give me strength a day at a time. I have moments where the addict part of me tries to tell me things are hopeless and I "might as well drink..." I can catch that part and remember to play the tape forward. For me, to drink is to die and I know that it NEVER gets better to relapse. I have done so many times and the last relapse was 7 years I think. Today, I do not have to drink or use drugs...no matter what happens. I miss my partner. He was a great person, smart, funny, and kind. He just could not put down the bottle. I appreciate so much everyone's share on this post. It helps me more than you know.

Ginny