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I feel your pain--literally. I have suffered from depression, fatigue, lack of energy, lack of motivation and actual physical pain for most of my life. Everyone in my family has suffered from this so I think it is generic and chemical. Alcoholism also runs in my family and my father, who was an out of control alcoholic, committed suicide when I was 10 years old. That definitely impacted my life and still does today. I was in a serious auto accident last summer and after that suffered from anxiety and PTSD. This forced me to see a psychiatrist for the first time (something I should have done years ago) and I was placed on 150mg of Zoloft and 15 mg of Adderall. I also began seeing a psychologist for cognitive therapy. Prior to this I was only being treated by my family doctor which had helped none at all. Gradually, I have been having more energy and stamina and have been working in my garden for 2 hours at the time without feeling tired. This is nothing short of a miracle. In fact, I will "graduate" from counseling next week but will continue with the psychiatrist because of the Adderall. I know I will never be completely free of depression but I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel. And, yes, I have been suicidal but I would never, ever do that knowing from experience what it would do to my family. You have done the right thing coming to Mayo Connect. It is so important to have a safe place to discuss our problems with people who have been there, are understanding and welcoming. You may also want to tell your psychiatrist that you are not doing much better. Keep coming back.
Replies to "I feel your pain--literally. I have suffered from depression, fatigue, lack of energy, lack of motivation..."
You have a lot on your plate, no doubt about that, but the depression is the worst of it. "Life just sucks," is the depression talking. "Thinking about suicide," is the depression talking. That is why we must go to any length to fight depression. It takes over our minds and bodies. That is why we must let our doctors know when we are not getting any better. I am just now learning that there are many different treatments for depression. Sometimes you need an increase in medications. You can also take two different antidepressants. I was diagnosed with ADHD so Adderall was added. That was when I first began seeing some results. Because of the depression and fatigue, I was definitely not physically hyper but my mind was hyper going over and over those terrible memories. In cognitive therapy, I learned how to "change the subject." Good luck in your fight with the depression. Don't settle for anything less than getting better. Blessings.
@Gray Thanks for mentioning "cognitive therapy" it is a great tool to “change the subject" of the repetitive thoughts going on! You described it so well. Teresa
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Hi Gray .... thanks so much for your note .... it helps to know I'm not the only one. Yes, my father was what they call a "functioning alcoholic" and my mother was a full-out, mean, alcoholic. Being an only child, she seemed to resent me or even hate me ... I was often found hiding under my bed to avoid her wrath. She'd lock me in closets, threaten to pack my suitcase and have it on the porch when I came home from school because I was to "get out" and all sorts of things. I lived in fear of her. My parents fought constantly and I well remember trying to break up their fights - I was about 7 or 8. I never understood what I'd done, or why she hated me, but I seemed to be the black sheep of the family. It takes a lot of work to get passed those things, but they linger in the back of my mind. Why? My Psychologist and Psychiatrist are both convinced she was bi-polar medicating herself with alcohol. Mental issues were something to be very ashamed of .... sort of like the "old Aunt you kept in the attic." I'm left with the genetics and memories.
I don't know how much you've read about my story but both my girls live down here - VA - so about 18 months ago I moved down to be closer to them. Very wise on a practical level, but not on an emotional level. Everything I knew and loved for 30 years was back in MD. Now, I'm trying to sell my condo, and my mind is just whirling .... "maybe I shouldn't .... maybe I should go back." But I know if I did that my girls would be upset ..... they have been so sweet to me and kind ..... I can't do that to them. They love having me here. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, life just sucks.
abby