Boys, sometimes this gets me down

As a gay man in some ways I've been "lucky," if anything about this disease is "lucky," in that my definition of "sex" was always more than intercourse.

I found a community of guys who call themselves "sides." These are guys, most of whom never had prostate or any other cancer, who just don't like gay intercourse so they do other stuff so I've been seeing someone for awhile now who was previously just a friend but has always been a "side."

I'm fortunate because, with Viagra, I get decent erections (7 on the "hardness scale" according to my sexual health doctor).

The tougher thing for me has been no semen since that's the "sign" I enjoyed myself but my partner knows this and doesn't care. If things don't work out and I have to go back on the dating market it could be tougher but I'll cross that bridge if and when it happens. I've gotten a lot better about not "catastrophizing" about what might happen in the future.

For straight guys, I assume there are probably women out there who would be fine without intercourse but don't know for sure.

@scottbeammeup

As a woman I just want to answer to that question - "if there are women out there that could be fine without intercourse" ? THERE ARE !

I have couple of friends that just do not give a damn about intercourse part of sex, and some that just do not wish any type of sex lol and "had enough of it" XP (their words). I know one that has chronic UTIs and just wish her partner could stop asking for sex completely. I know of a young woman who recently broke up with a BF since he was asking for sex "too often" and she just has better things to do ; ). I have an extended family member who declared that she is looking for romantic partner and really nice, giving and fun man and would not mind if she had no sex ever again. Don't take me wrong, there are MORE women who prefer having sex , but since the question was "if there are any " - answer is "there are".

@jeffy1
Yes. First noticed above undetectable and urologist suggested not to worry. Then went to monthly and psa continued to rise, not abruptly, but rise it did. Since i had a radical prostatectomy my psa should have remained undetectable. He asked if I wished hormonal therapy and didn’t really explain what that entailed so I ditched the urologist and saw an oncologist who ordered the pet scan. Sure enough it had reappeared in bone and some organs. He explained what the options were and let me know that adt was the standard and it gave much hope for remission. Never will be cured but can live with the side effects and hope I don’t get resistant to the treatment. So far 16 months. I see my oncologist monthly for blood draw to make sure no damage from the treatment. Daily dose Zytiga 1000mg -prednisone 5 mg and quarterly shot ( not recalling the name). So far so good. But every morning when I swallow those 4 huge tablets I’m reminded that I’m living on borrowed time. Trying my best to ignore that, but sometimes it gets the best of me. Good luck to you

For me, there two things: there is how I feel about the workings of my body and the physical connection with my wife. In 2019, at 58 years old, I had RP surgery that I think went well. I never had any issues with continence, but erections pretty much went by the wayside. My wife, who is truly my other half and I love her dearly, has no libido. So, her only concern was keeping me healthy. For me, though, it has been the personal desire to be able to have a decent erection; to feel that part of me. I just started Trimix and have seen my body responding in a way that I thought was gone. After 7 years! I understand mourning the loss of that part of me that made me feel whole. I was trying to compare it to other losses the other day. Is it like losing a limb? Or paralysis? It seems so trivial in some respects, but it's not. It can be really hard to reconcile the physical loss.

@guyrm Exactly. It's not so much about sex - we just want to feel "normal"... or as normal as we'll get.

@peterj116 Yes! Intact. Whole.

My husband and me really feel blessed that we always concentrate on things that we have and never dwell on things that we don't.

We really do not feel that anything is "lost" nor my husband feels that he is not "whole", I guess it is all at the end "in our heads" and how we see ourselves.

Viagra and Ciallis were approved for use in the very late 90-ies and trimix in 80-ies , I really do not think that for thousands of years 50% of men age 50 and 60% of age 60 (and so on) felt "inadequate", and "not whole" just because they had ED. There is even a king known as "Enrique The Impotent" and he was ruling just fine, even had a child with his wife (it was lovers child) that he proclaimed his - problem solved ; ).

It is all about priorities in life - for us it is being together and living - all the rest is not even a blimp on a radar.

But I understand that everybody is different, I am just writing this for men that perhaps do not feel like they are "damaged goods" but wonder if women will automatically see them as such - many will not 😉 . That was a question asked - and this is my answer, nothing more and nothing less.