@caroljeand

"It’s not what I’m used to -- too long in this state would cause depression."
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I felt similar to this for a long time when I was on Prednisone. Even after I tapered off prednisone it took time to feel better. I described it as being in the "eye of the storm." I always felt like prednisone was just a temporary reprieve from pain.

When I was on Actemra, the eye of the storm didn't seem like such a bad place to be. I wasn't frozen but it was like I didn't want anything to change. I thought the storm might return but instead it dissipated. I felt like a wreck but I also felt like I could "pick up the pieces."

After a few months of physical therapy, I didn't make instant progress but I was getting through all the stretches and exercises easier. I told the physical therapist that things still hurt but the pain was tolerable. What amazed me more was how much my "recovery time" after every exercise improved. I could go from one exercise to the next without much of a rest period between each exercise After every session with the physical therapist ... I didn't need to go home and crash. I thought my adrenal function might be improving since I was off Prednisone.

Now I do long periods when I'm more active. I don't feel like I'm "overdoing anything," I think I should be doing more vigorous exercise. When I was on long term prednisone ... I never felt like I wanted to exercise more because there would be a price to pay.

Instead of lights going up ... I felt like the storm was gone. I had some discussions with the therapist who thought I had elements of Medical PTSD but not clinically depressed. I told her that I felt good as long as I didn't dwell on the past too much. I remember the past but I try not to dwell on it. The storm I was in used to consume me but not anymore.