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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: 5 days ago | Replies (244)Comment receiving replies
@naturalebyjas breathing exercises help me. It sounds simple but it helps to focus on my breath. Inhale for four counts and exhale for four counts. I repeat to myself, I am doing the best that I can.
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@jc8 I do that all the time! I started many years ago when my children would do something that would send me over the edge. It has been such a help over the years to just stop and remind myself I am doing the best I can.
I took care of my husband when he was diagnosed with lung cancer until he died. I had a lot of anger after his death. "How dare he go and die on me? We were supposed to grow old together." That alone set my guilt at an all-time high. He didn't ask to have cancer and he certainly didn't plan to die at 60. When he was diagnosed, I took over and did everything for him. And I would do it all over again.
two years later I brought my parents south to live with me. My dad had Alzheimers and my mom's health was suffering. That was 14 years ago. My dad has passed away and now my mom has dementia. Daddy had always done everything for Mom. He took care of the bills, made all the decisions, etc. When I stepped in, I took over and took care of everything for both of them. I was thankful to have them here and that I was able to help my dad and take care of him in his last years. I love having Mom with me, we actually get along pretty well. Taking care of her has gotten more difficult, but we have managed.
I finally asked my brother to come stay with her so I could go to a retreat last December. That was the first time I had gone anywhere without her. It was wonderful! I had such a good time and felt refreshed. Also, felt very guilty for leaving her. I had left very detailed instructions to cover anything I could think of. I was already planning my next trip over the summer. I knew I needed that break to stay sane and to give myself room to breathe.
But now things have changed. Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer last week. She is not eligible for surgery or chemo. I am feeling overwhelmed and worrying about what's next.
We have a palliative care meeting this Thursday and I hope to get some answers then. We set the appointment before her PET scan so I'm not sure if that will still be an option.
I feel like a duck. All calm and serene on the surface and paddling like crazy below the water. I keep breathing, counting, and saying I am doing the best I can.