This is free floating & garbled, so “dig in your spurs, Snuffy, it’s going to be a wild ride”.
There will never be any backside kicks from me or criticisms. Dementia (LBD) is the pits, there is no getting around it. I’m angry, sad, and actually worried that people I know will think I didn’t do enough. We are a long way from my husband transitioning into what comes next in the journey to the other side - but honestly, sometimes I wish it were closer - because most of all he doesn’t deserve to have the end of his life be like this. He is “gone” except for those brief shining moments when his personality comes blasting through.
We both thought we’d get old and one of us would get cancer or a stroke or a heart attack that we would die from. Not so, this is the death of a thousand cuts.
I know it’s hard, you don’t even know how to do this, but refrain from self criticism, you do not deserve it.
I also worry about who I will be when this is finished? Will I have enough health or time or even money to do some of the things I had planned. And, yep, I can get really angry, about everything because the root is anger at what happened to us.
Peace, Cheryl
PS:
This is a little story I will share about a friend of mine that died last year.
He got lucky - he had pneumonia that took him before the dementia had progressed.
He was an atheist. He worked in high security nuclear industry with a lot of brilliant folks and one day a secretary asked him since he was an atheist what did he think would happen when he died. And, his own fashion, he told her he supposed he would just be in oblivion. She was hard of hearing and she thought he said he would go to Bolivia. So, when he died, his partner found a clay vessel from Bolivia that she had his ashes placed in. We all had such a good laugh at his wake.