@looneyjm1956 - Your description resonated so much with my experience. So no, absolutely no kick in the butt from me. Your feelings are real. They're yours. And (as unpleasant as they may be) you're entitled to them. My wife has metastatic breast cancer, having difficulty with treatment and not responding well. Like you, depending how things are doing, beyond everything I need to do, I have to take over her household chores, chauffeur her, bearing the brunt of her anger. Like you, we can't travel or even make plans. (She's in the midst of changing treatment, and until we see how she responds, we can't risk being away. Last treatment resulted in an unexpected ER visit and 10 day hospitalization.) Like you, our intimacy has disappeared. And, like you, yes, I'm angry, frustrated, irritated. And oh, just for fun and games, I have cancer too. (Leukemia, CLL to be precise. I'm in active treatment but don't have side effects from it - but I relapse far faster than either I or my oncologist want).

How do I deal with all of this. Honestly, I struggle. We always thought I'd die first (we're in our 70's). Now I'm facing I'm likely going to be a widower - and sooner rather than later. We had all sorts of plans for doing things in retirement that are on hold, and may never come to pass. I'm mourning my dreams for what we were going to have, to do. I desperately miss any kind of intimacy. (I'd love just hugs.) My coping - well, to be honest mindfulness (ie meditation) helps a lot. I make a conscious effort to spend time with friends (coffee, facetime calls, etc.). I make a conscious effort to do things I enjoy. And, yes, I mourn. As much as my wife is facing real loss, so are you and I -- and it's okay to acknowledge that and accept it.

So, a strong virtual hug - and acknowledgement that what you're experiencing is real.