@looneyjm1956
Hello. You post really caught my attention..Since January my spouse has either been in the hospital, rehab or back to the hospital.I just found out that he has LBD and Metabolic Encephalopathy. I am devasted .Our Anniversary is tomorrow. He is confused and sometimes know me. He definately has Sundowners/ LBD. He does not make sence or even no what to say. He has become paranoid , combative and delusional. He was so different as if it happened in a dream and I would wake up and I would have my husband back. I am so very sad. He is in Pallative/ Hospice as of a couple of days ago. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. All of you please look at your love one and love them and know this is inevitable. Tears have been shed and sometimes I wonder is this the day he goes to end of his journey of Life. Sad but not giving up hope that he will smile or ask for his favorite candy or say " Honey, I love you" .

@looneyjm1956 - Your description resonated so much with my experience. So no, absolutely no kick in the butt from me. Your feelings are real. They're yours. And (as unpleasant as they may be) you're entitled to them. My wife has metastatic breast cancer, having difficulty with treatment and not responding well. Like you, depending how things are doing, beyond everything I need to do, I have to take over her household chores, chauffeur her, bearing the brunt of her anger. Like you, we can't travel or even make plans. (She's in the midst of changing treatment, and until we see how she responds, we can't risk being away. Last treatment resulted in an unexpected ER visit and 10 day hospitalization.) Like you, our intimacy has disappeared. And, like you, yes, I'm angry, frustrated, irritated. And oh, just for fun and games, I have cancer too. (Leukemia, CLL to be precise. I'm in active treatment but don't have side effects from it - but I relapse far faster than either I or my oncologist want).

How do I deal with all of this. Honestly, I struggle. We always thought I'd die first (we're in our 70's). Now I'm facing I'm likely going to be a widower - and sooner rather than later. We had all sorts of plans for doing things in retirement that are on hold, and may never come to pass. I'm mourning my dreams for what we were going to have, to do. I desperately miss any kind of intimacy. (I'd love just hugs.) My coping - well, to be honest mindfulness (ie meditation) helps a lot. I make a conscious effort to spend time with friends (coffee, facetime calls, etc.). I make a conscious effort to do things I enjoy. And, yes, I mourn. As much as my wife is facing real loss, so are you and I -- and it's okay to acknowledge that and accept it.

So, a strong virtual hug - and acknowledgement that what you're experiencing is real.

@looneyjm1956 Do not shut your mouth. Please come back and post on this site. It has helped me so much just to be able to share what I am feeling with people that "get it". Expressing your very real anger is so important to your mental health. You have every right to have your feelings be they anger or guilt or grief. I am well into 5 years of dementia caregiving for my husband. I can so relate to your feelings.
The feelings that you are expressing in your post are what I have felt and continue to feel. If you look at the stages of grief (over the loss of life you had been expecting) you will see that you are probably experiencing what is called "anticipatory grief". I didn't know what this was until my husband started his dementia journey. When I am angry, I do something physical like mop the floor, wash the car,( and they get REALLY clean), go for a walk or and this is the best- beat a pillow ( that has a paper written with what ever I am angry at pinned to it) with a waffle ( child's plastic) bat. It is very satisfying and releases a lot of held in anger and tension. Usually by the time I am done, the paper is confetti. You are not alone, my friend. I hope to see you posting here again.