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Having problems talking to family and friends about cancer
I'm in my fifth year of ros1 lung cancer. The doctors say I'll be on oral chemo forever (for a long as it continues to keep the cancer under control) which means, this is the best it gets for me, despite having to cope with major side effects.
I just watched a long- time friend drift away after I explained to her why I haven't been able to get together for lunches and walks anymore. I'm severely immune compromised and my mobility is now limited. She said she was sorry to hear it, what a bummer, and closed her note without a word about what's going on in her life, an offer to call or anything.
Nevertheless, her response was much better than my brother-in-law's, I pity you, which caused me never to speak to him on the phone again. And I've never mentioned my cancer to other close family and friends because several of them are control freaks and if there's anything I don't need at this stage, it's advice on treatment for my cancer. In phone calls and email I just pretend the cancer doesn't exist.
Does anyone else here have the problem of talking about their cancer with family and friends?
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I to am a Ros1 cancer fighter. I was diagnosed in 2022. I am in total understanding of your situation. Only one family member knows about my cancer, because of my wishes. I have a close net group of friends that are my prayer warriors and I am so blessed that they give me space and understand my feelings about trying to live a normal life. My side effects are not so severe as yours seem to be, because I am still very active.
I pray that you can still find joy in your day to day life, we definitely live in a new world with new options to treat our cancer. There is no one like another person taking TKI's that understands our journey. I wish you the best you can be.
@hlolson Thank you for your response--I'm glad to hear from someone else hasn't told their family about their cancer! I pray every day and besides a loving and caring husband who helps me, I have a wonderful companion dog I've trained to do deep pressure therapy who also keeps me going.
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1 Reaction@lycisca
My dog is also my therapy, we try o hike 4 to 5 times a week. It's so good for the body, mind and soul.
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1 Reaction@lycisca Same here. I had difficulty telling my siblings about it. I choose to speak to only one of my sibling about my diagnosis and specifically said to keep it to herself only at this time. Unfortunately she spoke with one sibling about it and the rest is history. I was very distressed that my wishes were not respected. It's been 6 months and although I feel less upset over it, I feel sad that I can not open up to my sister anymore about any health updates. Fortunately I feel grateful to a circle of friends and husband who regularly checks in on me and supports me.
Many people don't know how to respond to someone who talks about their own cancer. I mean, what can they say that will make the patient feel better?
Many people still consider a diagnosis of cancer an automatic death sentence and that makes for very uncomfortable conversations.
Same here, I was diagnosed Multifocal Adenocarcinoma Lung Cancer a little year ago. I never smoke, none of my family and friends smokes. I went through 2 VAT surgeries, the 2nd one was just 3 weeks ago.
I decided not to tell siblings who live out of state, except one brother who lives near me. I told that brother not to tell the other siblings. I also don't tell friend, and my colleagues.
I am 76 years old, I still have a job I love, I work remotely, I went to office once a week when it is necessary. I don't want to give up my job, I don't want anyone to pity me.
I know this cancer journey will be long and difficult. Telling them is of no use.
Helen
@hch559 I salute your strength and courage. Like you, I don't want pity. At 78 I still run my home-based business. I hope you're doing well after the recent VAT surgery. Lynne
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1 ReactionThank you, Lynne.
This is my first year dealing with this lung cancer. I know there is a long way to go. But I will fight to the last.
Helen