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My depression never seems to end
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: May 21, 2017 | Replies (36)Comment receiving replies
@missy4396, @micmag,@beemerw47, my name is Judy. I have had a deep depression for more than 10 years, off and on. I had a near 30 yrs marriage but because of verbal abuse and emotional abuse i finally called it quits. (This was my 2nd husband) Much too late, for it has damaged my children. On top of my guilt for this, their first dad was never around for them either and he just died over this past weekend without ever telling our children that he was sick. He discovered it last September right around the time of my heart attack. He had plenty of time to give our kids a heads up but he didnt. Our kids just received a phone call out of the blue from their aunt, no emotion whatsoever, "well i guess there's no way to say it, your dad has passed. " My daughter immediately starts screaming. Once more again her dad has finally, and forever left them. If he were here id slap him again for being so selfish and thinking only of himself. He musthave forgotten he had two kids. Iam so angry at him and his whole family i could spit nails! Its a long story, but my kids have been damaged by their real father, and by my second husband. I finally called it quits in 2014. I moved in with my grown kids, and they love me, and they are here but im still lonely. I have no friends, no one to talk to or go anywhere with. I dont drive. Living on social security, oh woe is me. I think we all have these things we need to deal with and we are to a certain extent. My pcp changed my antidepressant again to, duloxitine, which i think is Cym alta. And dare i hope? I think i might be feeling better. Im almost afraid to say anything to anyone, afraid i will jinx it. And, i have found a pastime, so to speak. Being an armchair activist for whoever or whatever needs it. Animals mostly, because they dont have a voice. Im mostly on Facebook, using my real name. On discuss too. I thoroughly enjoy giving animal abusers a thrashing. Anyway, with a little luck, and perserverance, we.will all survive.
All my best wishes and love, Judy
Replies to "@missy4396, @micmag,@beemerw47, my name is Judy. I have had a deep depression for more than 10..."
My ex is similar.towards me..but children bond with dad because it is dad...the only thing you can do is love..and not trash him in front of the girls because it brings you to a bad light..like i said forgiveness is for you..a gift of healing..my brain injuries unfortunately led me to not have my kids full time..so I can see what it does to them..and the body reacts to stress so..I just went through a rash..but usually i go through psychogenic seizures from stress..all too real..anything can happen with stress build up..so look if meds changed..if anything is different if not it just may be stress..Epson salt baths and well biofeedback tapes are fantastic..Neuropsychologists are good even as psycologists because they see beyond the scope of the normal psychologists and they do not give meds..they are team with a psychiatrist only when it is recommended does the team decide a med comes up..the girls need to learn what a good man is compared to a not so good man for a good relationship
Hello @giggyg, Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! Your post didn't seem to go through. Would you like to try again?
@beemerw47 I don't know if I did this correctly to reply to you. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I do admire your outlook on life with all you have gown through. I did talk badly about my girls dad to them when we were going through our divorce. I do not say anyy thing about their dad today.
Not sure what just happened...when I put your name in I could only see the first 2 lines I typed?? I'm trying to get used to this. Seems like there is a lot of different posts to read and I feel a bit confused. So if anyone knows what I'm doing wrong, please let me know. I understand to click on reply and see the conversation, but I have like 9 notifications and I'm not sure if I need to click on each one, or if there is an easier way to follow. I have been dating this descent man for over a year. This is our third time around. We get a long very well. We live like 5 minutes apart. He has two pits, one just had her front leg amputated due to cancer. She has healed and did her chemo . She does have pneumonia right now. I love both of these dogs too. I am 50 and he is 47. He has never been married, lived with a women or doesn't have any kids. We see each other maybe once or twice a week. I talked with him 2 weeks ago about our future, that I didn't want to be with someone I don't have a future with etc....He agreed and we decided to stay together. However, nothing changed, again!! We never spend the night with each other. He doesn't leave his dogs all night, and if I stay there I have to sleep in the guest room by myself. The dogs sleep with him. Two big pits and him in a King size bed, leaves no room for me. Long story...Like I stated before I have been divorced for 15 years and I don't want to live the rest of my life alone. I just don't think his idea of a future and mine are not the same. He lives in a big 2 story home, with the 2 dogs. I live in a little apartment and struggle financially. My lease ends the beginning of July. I tried to talk to him again tonight about a future....if he is going to sell his house (he said he will downsized when something happens to his dogs) They have a nice big back fenced in yard. I understand that...then he started talking about he may buy a condo later or he may buy a house closer to his dad, when something happens to his dogs. It's always "he will buy" it's never us. Nor, has he offered for me to move him and his dogs. Oh my gosh, I feel like I am in competition with his dogs. He has pictures of them on facebook and on his phone, and he doesn't me. I'm so confused....I would love to hear anyone's input. He is a wonderful man, treats me good and we never argue. But I feel like I'm dating a kid!! I'm too old to waste my time....I've attempted to break up and got very anxious and depressed and changed my mind and decided to stay. HELP!!! I don't know how many people can see when I post things either?? I'm hoping everyone in the discussion can??
@missy4396, hi missy, you say you've been with this man for a little over a year? I dont want to spend the rest of my life alone either. It sounds like this guy might be happy with the way things are. Does he ever bring the dogs to your house? I hate to get too personal but are you guys intimate at all? I dont think i like this guy. It seems he's not treating you well enough. If im over stepping my boundaries im very sorry. I can feel pretty protective sometimes. Thoughts from someone else? Am i overlooking something? Dont be a stranger. Love, Judy
@beemerw47 You have given some helpful suggestions, thanks! Teresa
@missy4396 Thanks for posting about your fear of being alone. Sometimes fears can put us in very difficult places, can't they? Often when we fear we seek relationships that we hope will provide protection from our fears, but sometimes they don't do they? They often create more fears. It seems you have fears about staying with this man. Have you talked with a counselor regarding your fears? If not, I would urge you do so. Keep in touch with Mayo Connect and let us know how you are doing. Teresa
Thank you Teresa!! Yes I am seeing a counselor and we are working on this issue. I have a fear of breaking up and being more depressed or staying with him and not being in a fulfilling relationship. This is always been my past...even my divorce. I feel like I want to break up or divorce, I go through with it and then I regret the decision. Then I romance all of the good times, not the real reason we are not together. That sounds crazy!!! I will be on here, I love this group. I feel blessed that I found it. God does work in my life!!
No not at all Judy!! I put my life on here for positive or negative feed back. You sound like all of my friends in AA, my family and my counselor. Intimacy is very limited, maybe once a week and never an over night thing. No, he has never brought his dogs here. You are probably 100% spot on!! He is very comfortable with the way things are...it works perfectly for me. WOW.....I don't think it's intentionally either, I just think it is the way he is. He is a wonderful man and has a lot of great qualities. Truth is, just not a wonderful man for me to be in a relationship with. I have a lot of decisions and praying to do. Making decisions has been so hard for me since I've been sober this time, almost 4 years. I can't decide where I want to eat sometimes. I think all of you on here are amazing!! Thank you!! I'm going to a belated birthday lunch with my daughters today. Haven't seen them in a while. Wish me luck!! I do get a little anxious around them. I just don't know what to say or how to act. If I ask questions about them, I'm being nosy. If I share my life with them, I'm being dramatic and negative. I'm sure there is truth in the drama and negativity. It's a hard habit to break and I'm working on it. Some days are better than others!!
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@danybegood1 Hi Judy: It sounds like you and your children have had a most difficult time, I'm so sorry to hear of their father's death without any warning of his illness. I am glad to know that your PCP changed your medicine, it might be just the change you need right now. I so like your phrase, "with a little luck, and perseverance, we.will all survive." Thank you for these encouraging words that you have posted, they might just be what someone needed to hear today! Teresa