How do I add aging issues to a life I have never been happy in?

I am reading these posts with a great deal of sadness and empathy. I felt desperate for answers at a time in my life (about 18 years ago) when it seemed like my problems were overwhelming. I had loved ones who suffered from addictions, and my life seemed to revolve around "helping" them out of their problems and crisis. As a result, I felt I lived in a state of continuous turmoil and my self-esteem suffered. Fortunately, I found a 12 step program (Al-Anon) that has helped me immensely. I've found a fellowship of people who love me in a special way, just like I love them (although we may not all like each other). We share our experience, strength, and hope and encourage each other when we're down. When I'm feeling particularly bad about myself, I use the tools of the program (e.g. acceptance, a gratitude practice, my daily readings, my higher power, and regular meetings) to guide me toward a more positive outlook. Today I live in genuine peace, have a better relationship with my loved ones, and I mostly look forward to each day. As I'm aging, I too am not always pleased with the physical changes, but I'm so grateful to have an opportunity for continued spiritual, intellectual, and emotional growth that it seems like a fine trade-off.

I know that Al-Anon isn't for everyone, but I hope you find something like it to help you. I believe we all deserve to live a serene and joyful life, no matter our age or circumstances. The trick is finding it for ourselves, and we may find help through the support of others facing the same challenges.

Some people's reason to be born is a lot better than others. I appreciate your reply.

@juliem688 Thank you for your response. I did try Al Anon when I was younger. I am not able to find any meetings now. It seems that there are not many around anymore in my area. I am happy to hear you found some peace.

@grasping In case interested there are electronic meetings available. I can’t include a link due to the Connect policy, but you can find them on the Al-anon website Meetings page.

I look at myself in the mirror.
I've suffered a lot of loss in recent years.
It has given me a new face.
My bald head shines.
Tufts of hair stick out at random.
My face is a collection of wrinkles, folds and sags.
I never thought I'd look like this.

I make faces at myself.
It's amazing how expressive a wrinkled old face can be.
I smile at myself and the mirror face smiles back!
I chuckle at my smiling old face.
I laugh with myself.
Good morning again, good morning!

This is me growing older and older.
This weary old face has meaning.
It still faces life, asking "What today?"
There's something to value with every wrinkle and fold.

I have paddled upstream all my life except a few exceptions. I have experienced two miracles in my life and could have died twice. Recently I've been pulling together my final wishes so my brother doesn't have to when I die. I've chosen my epitaph: Your battle is done; may you rest in peace. I wish you peace and joy and good people to help you on your journey.