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Coping with loss of DH (dear husband) and trauma of caregiving years

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 18 9:46pm | Replies (31)
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@colleenyoung thanks for your response.

For years, I guess I struggled in silence, this being the only place I could speak honestly about what was going on at home. I never found another safe place to share my thoughts. Caregiving a loved one with dementia being different from other types of caregiving. Now, no one in my circle understands my anger and sadness at losing him day by day, the fear of not knowing from minute to minute what his mood would be, giving up everything else in life that wasn't him. Caregiving was my life. Now, I have no reason to get out of the house and I don't want to. So I don't. I tell myself this is me taking care of me but I want to want to get out. I want to say I GET to do X,Y or Z today rather than I HAVE to do XY or Z. I find no joy anywhere. When does the joy return? Does it return?

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Replies to "@colleenyoung thanks for your response. For years, I guess I struggled in silence, this being the..."
judimahoney | @judimahoney | Jan 30 7:33am

@jehjeh
I am so very sorry for what you are going through.
I wish for you:
-therapist who specializes in grief processing
-good friend or family to stay with you for a bit
-excellent doctor to prescribe meds to help you through this stage
Big hugs. 🫂

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Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Feb 12 8:44pm

@jehjeh. when does the joy return? you asked. You WANT to do things rather than HAVE to do things. In my opinion, there is no prescribed timeline. It is your agenda, so I'm not here to tell you what to do. I will share something that helped my mom. Her mantra when my dad passed was "Get up. Get dressed. Get out." She didn't do big things at first. Sometimes it was just a walk around the house. But the act of getting dressed and getting outside was helpful for her eventhough my dad passed in December and we live in a snowbelt.

So, what might one thing might you do for yourself that might also mean nudging yourself to do it? For joy, I wonder if the saying "fake until you make it" might work. Just spitballing here.

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