Unable to assert myself at 73...I have Severe Osteoporosis

Just addressing your dental fear, cleaning is super helpful to you mouth, and health in general, and only mildly uncomfortable for only a few moments in that hour. You can do this. And doing it once successfully will help you do it the next time. Maybe instead of shying away from discomfort, try thinking about the benefits of being there and getting needed care. Hugs and wishing you well.

@mlwh my biggest problem is as we say in Ireland my dentist as " a bit of a Pig " but on the positive side he is well informed about Prolia...its not pain I shy away from but I Panic and gag when he has his hand in my mouth..I just can't breathe..I have my extraction tomorrow at 3.30. but in order to keep what teeth I have I will be getting my cleaning done with a different Dentish whom I have experience with lovely gir..I am really friendly, respectful and a pleasant human being I look for the same in others but its sadly lacking..I gushed for 20 minutes about how bad my anxiety was but apparently he wasn't listening because he asked me to run downstairs and have an one hour cleaning done..I didn't...
But thats very helpful I have been suffering for months with this tooth and I will just reflect on the cessation of my pain...thank you.

Pray for me tomorrow 🙏 🙈

@edwinabutterfly I face the executioner tomorrow at 3...
If im still breathing I will do an update on Fri.

Everyone on here is lovely and I so appreciate all yere kindness....

Patricia 🇮🇪

Hi @lane73 Just popping in to wish you well tomorrow! I know it’s a big day that you’ve been dreading. Today is a good day to take a couple moments every few hours to sit down on the sofa and lean on the back cushions. Close your eyes, open your mouth and try some mental exercises that you can use tomorrow to keep you calm and not gaggy.

I found a really great article this morning on Grounding from Clearwater Free Clinic. (I have no affiliation with this facility. Just read through their article and it contained everything I wanted to suggest! So I’m posting it here for you instead of typing out all the suggestions): https://www.clearwaterfreeclinic.org/healthhub/2025/6/19/5-grounding-techniques-you-can-use-anywhere

I use techniques like this all the time when facing activities out of my comfort zone…had many over the past several years. From our conversations I just know you’re a very sweet and lovely person. But that doesn’t mean you can’t also be assertive in expressing your opinion or expecting the dentist to be understanding of your discomfort.
So don’t apologize, just be direct with comments such as; >Bear with me please, I have a tendency to gag or I feel panicky sometimes.
>If I raise my hand (or give you a little signal) could you please pause a moment for me to catch my breath, or clear my throat.
> I value your time and expertise and don’t mean to be a pain but this will all go smoother if I know I’m able to give a signal for a brief time out to collect my wits. (That type of thing).
You don’t have to feel cowardly or any shame for your normal reactions. Hopefully your dentist isn’t a ‘bit of a pig’ as you say. (Still cracks me up). If he is, that’s on him. You’ve done nothing to warrant his behavior. It’s a shame if he is! I know you’re limited with whom you can see and he does sound very knowledgeable about your situation. So good luck tomorrow! Let me know how everything goes. Hugs!

@loribmt hi Lori thanks for remembering....I was just explaining to my daughter that they give sedation for anxiety at least 750$ which would bring the extraction to over a thousand which I don't have..I would have uf i didn't share out 2 thousand over Xmas in gifts to kids and grandkids but I was also telling her I spent 10 minutes " gushing " about anxiety to this guy and when I was finished my rant he said could you just go downstairs and get cleaning done I felt like saying I'd rather jump out that window instead but I just said " I can't " and then went into a litany of excuses all lies of course....I am sure he thinks I am a basket case....but Lori I have decided to get my cleaning done with an Hygenist I went to before she was a lovely girl but I am afraid he will find out..🙈 you would think I was a serial killer how I go on....I have found the people on here really lovely Lori yourself especially i feel I can say what I honestly feel without embarrassment....needless to say Lori if I survive and don't kill the Dentist and all in my path I will fill you in as soon as I can regain my composure...I think I was too friendly with him he probably thinks at this stage I am a simpleton....🫣🙏🙏

@lane73 I’m laughing out loud reading your post. Gurl, if you don’t have enough money for sedation, you sure don’t have enough for bale money! 😂😂😂
You have every right to go see the hygienist you’re comfortable with. Part of a routine cleaning will be a gum tissue/bone support check. She’ll use a little metered probe to place between your gum tissue and each tooth. It will measure the amount of support you have around your teeth. Healthy tissue will have a depth of 1 to 2 mm.
The dentist that is doing the extraction had suggested frequent cleanings. Your hygienist will be able to see fairly clearly the health of your tissue and bone. The dentist in that office (affiliated with her) will confirm her findings. So just relax and have the cleaning done where you’re comfortable.
And good luck with the extraction tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll survive and please, let’s hope the doctor does too. Cuz bale money isn’t cheep! 😃

I live in Canada and was born with GAD and panic disorder. Am older so lucky that I still can get prescribed Ativan. It is ridiculous that benzophobia has permeated so many countries to the extent that it has. Getting a prescription for 10 pills a month will not make you addicted and will let you do things without fear.

Like you don't need to pay huge amounts for sedation when a couple of pills that cost almost nothing would do the trick. I have dental phobia and get my cleaning done in half an hour segments. So they do half the mouth in each appointment. If the hygienist doesn't want to do that I will go somewhere else. I have fainted in the dental chair without it and that is getting tons of dental work so no, exposure doesn't help me. Any doctor that thinks fainting is good, high blood pressure is good and living in a panic state is good, is not worth having.

I would seriously find another doctor . I have a psychiatrist's report that I should be respected but at least half of family doctors don't seem to respect psychiatrists either. In my area psychiatrists don't want to take on simple cases like me and yes, I would be considered simple compared to being bipolar or having schizophrenia.

@lane73 Thought I’d better check in with you to see if you survived your dental ordeal or if I need to send bale money. 😂.
Joking aside, how was the extraction? Are you doing ok?

@detalumis I’m so glad you dropped into this conversation. Having a dental phobia can be debilitating for a patient and of course, may lead to avoidance of necessary dental treatments. So thank you for offering what’s worked for you with scheduling appointments in the time increments where you feel comfortable. We had a few patients in our office where we handled their cases similarly. Failing that, there was the option of a one-off prescription of Ativan which really helped allay fears.

The situation for @lane73 is a little different. She is in the UK with limited choices for a dentist for her special needs of being on Prolia and requiring an extraction. So in this case, she didn’t have the option of seeking another dentist. It is a shame, as you said that getting even a small prescription of 5-10 pills to patients in need is a challenge. That limited amount is certainly not enough to become additive.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to manage through your phobia with finding a good dental care team who works with you.
By the way, Welcome to Mayo Connect. I see you’ve been a member since September but this is your first time writing. I hope that I see you pop into more conversations around the forum. There are over 80+ different health support groups. May I ask what drew you into Mayo Connect?

@loribmt hi Lori its me Patricia the basket case...I survived the extraction and he was very nice to me now if I had said that to my mother she would calmly reply " what did you want him to do..." throw stones at you" no answer to that one..
I went through it in a haze....then he brought up the cleaning again and said he would give me a local anaesthetic as it would be too painful because of my gum disease otherwise and he would do it...I would rather he didn't he is too " no nonsense" for me...he has booked the 27th Jan for that but I am going to delay till 27th Feb but I will get it done...another little Irish saying is he hasn't a notion of doing it in 2 sessions I have surmised he is the owner...all women except himself....
My sister had an extraction on the same day but her Dentist told her to wait 3 months before next shot of Prolia I have more severe Osteoporosis than her and mine is in the Spinal area having had 2 Fractures already...I was hoping to do my shot on the 5th week after extraction..and 3 weeks after its due date..he will go mad when he hears I changed cleaning date...Lor I am in Ireland not UK