@dmbwa99362 There is a book called, "The Body Keeps Score." I have not finished reading it yet, but I am going to. Being in an abusive relationship whether emotional, physical or both, especially with someone that is NPD or Anti-social is some serious trauma. I have been in therapy for 6 years since I got sober and I am really working on trying to love myself. My father was NPD and as an adult, I tend to gravitate towards familiarity. I believe most of us do. Being fooled by a person with that kind of personality is trauma. Do not let anyone tell you it is not. I will say that if those people were your real friends, they would still be around. It is similar to domestic violence and that cycle. The bond is real to the victim and it is so "normal" to believe "I am sorry, that won't ever happen again." It is a vicious merry go round and is hard to step off of. People say things like, "Why don't you just leave him/her?" Only a person that has walked in another's foot steps will understand that it is not as easy as "just leave." I applaud you for getting away from that relationship. Trauma causes cognitive issues, but the good news is that the brain is able to heal itself. It takes time but YOU are resilient and strong and still alive!!!