How to deal with aging anxiety?

Sorry about the loss of your husband. We have lost friends to Covid, both of my sisters to Alzheimer’s in the last couple of years, a close friend with pancreatic cancer now, a brother-in-law with lewy body dementia, it’s all hitting at once for people my age and some days it’s just too much. Trying to keep God present.

@grahmilou God...IS...present. He lives here, on this forum. Or in your home...and surely in mine. He is in our children, in the stars, in the physicians who tend to you, and in the many nurses. We may not be granted the ending we've been hoping for (in our sleep or at winning the lottery), but we get to be intimately acquainted at the time of our passing.

There's a lovely short hymn that I sing out loud into the night air at 0100 each morning in my pre-bed hot tub, beside our back deck: (i sing in the bass section of our choral society, so I can sing it twice, in melody an the bass part)

@gloaming thx for that. I am struggling with terrible death process anxiety.

@grahmilou
Why are you struggling, worrying, etc.?
If you are certain of where you will spend eternity, find Christian counsel (assuming you are Christian). There you should find peace.

@mir123 I also believe we live on in those coming after us. A certain percentage of our genes will be in their genes. I like the idea of turning off the news. Half of it is untrue anyway. But faith in ourselves, the desire to be a good human being, surrounding ourselves with beauty - way to go! Oh, and don't forget a walk outside helps tremendously. If the pain causes you to use a walker, take it and don't worry about what others think. You're out there and that's admirable.

@meh3 I am a Christian. That doesn’t take away the fear of the process of death or the morning of all the things that I will not be able to do for my grandchildren.

The end is inevitable.
How we get there is what matters to most people if they don't expire catastrophically and suddenly, and have time to reflect. Perhaps you can do a little reflection and think of all the successes you do have to claim as yours. This helps to soothe one's fears or self-accusations that we haven't done enough, or thinking we have the time to undo anything we ought not to have done, or to attempt to do something we have put off or never thought was worth doing....but now it's all we can hope to do.

Your grandchildren will do just fine. It's possible your passing will have some affect on their lives, but it's not likely to be catastrophic. Instead, the young are resilient and powerful adapters who have seemingly unlimited energy and wile at achieving their aims which are often well-established by the time they are 10 and older. There are safety networks everywhere for those suffering great disadvantages.

I think you understand that in a way you don't matter a great deal, at least in this context, but it's more that you'd LIKE TO matter. You worry that you might matter more, particularly if you could just be around and be capable of exerting and of inserting yourself as and when needed. There's nothing wrong with this line of thinking, except when it becomes your sole purpose in living. If that happens, and it all begins to slip away naturally...and logically....you can become despondent and regretful, maybe even feeling guilt.

I would urge you to seek some time with a counselor for the aged, a social worker or a therapist who deals extensively with those near the ends of their lives who begin to worry and to panic a bit. Also, between that person and your physician, you might benefit from a little prescriptive relief, say of Ativan or something like it to take the edge off, to let you sleep better, and to reduce your persistently aroused state (anxiety left unchecked raises serum cortisol which doesn't do anyone any good unless it's a short-term fight-or-flight problem).

Wishing the best for you.

@grahmilou
Is it the process of death or the possibility of pain that you fear? If you are a Christian, I remind you that the Bible tells us over 100 times to "fear not" and if you know for certain that you are Heaven bound, there should be no fear of death. As for the grandchildren, give them to God and permit Him to comfort them at your passing and in the future. I know it's not easy to do - I've had to do everything I'm telling you. The rewards are wonderful! Just the peace that He will take care of everything, that He will not give us, as Christians, more than we can handle and that we can honestly say, "It is well with my soul".

@meh3 being a Christian doesn’t remove fear faith is not ever perfect. I am just human. Sorry for disappointing you.

@gloaming
You are so right! God is there for us everywhere! I've certainly found that out rcently since my husband died. However God was always there for me and my husband but when you are totally alone; it's such a blessing to have God answer so many prayers as he has for me. Thank you for the beautiful song!
Happy New Year!
PML