I did not ever do meth or heroin, but I have battled addiction since the age of 14 years old. I am not 55 and 8 years sober. I never, EVER thought I would be able to have a life of any kind without some kind of substance. It is possible. I got, what others may have heard, "the gift of desperation." I started doing 12 step meetings, sometimes 2-3 times a day. It is possible to NOT use at this moment. If you need to take it 1 minute, hour or day at a time, that is paramount. All any of us has is this moment. I have had a couple of times where my mind has tried to tell me "F&ck it, you will never be okay might as well drink (add drug of choice here)." That is not true. The majority of me KNOWS it is not true and it sounds like you do as well. I encourage you to read the first 164 pages of the AA big book or even NA. It is the same, really. There are people in these groups that do know what it is like to battle addiction daily, who have lost friends and family and yet are able to take life a day at a time. Since I have been sober, I have faced the death of a parent, lost my partner of 28 years (to alcoholism) and I am battling Long COVID. There was a time when I would have thought I would never had made it through all the shit without using. That part of me is ever present. I am going to include a link on this comment. It is something I read everyday. This email is sent out every morning around 4:30 a.m. It helps me start my day. I do encourage you to at least give AA or NA a try. Message me if I can help. All you need to do is not use today. I would not worry about the medications at this point. I, too, had to utilize some medications for withdrawal as well as even now, for other issues. I also see a therapist for trauma and have for over 5 years now. There is a saying, "If I walk into the woods a mile, I have to walk back out of the woods a mile." You can do this! If I can, anyone can. Just today! You made a great start sharing on here.