Just cannot shake this depression

Sorry to hear what you've been going through. I too suffer with depression and seasonal affective disorder so I get it. I know for me, listening to music or watching something on tv that holds my interest help me keep calm and in a better state of mind. I suggest you try to do things you enjoy to break up your day. I used to do a lot of coloring and now I find crossword puzzles help me unwind (easy ones) and diamond painting. I have an excellent therapist and suggest you find one if you don't already have one. My insurance pays for her in full. This time of year esp with the holidays can be difficult for some of us but try to make the most of it. Take good care of yourself. Feel better!!

@marilynon
May I ask how frequently you had them ? Thanks

I am sorry you are in this ordeal. I have been there. I tried many an antidepressant over the years until finally my psychiatrist put me on Trintellix. It worked! None of those dozens of other antidepressants helped me cope. I could face people. There are a couple that will always be hard to face though and I see them on Christmas Eve. Heck, it's only a few hours. My Counselor told me about the depression being a "Black Dog". This is a known concept but I cannot recall who to credit. Besides Trintellix, diverting myself with activities like the other person who commented recommends is a good coping mechanism. Remembering depression is a lie. It wants to steal your well-being. Go for the truth that you are okay. You can outlast it. Be especially good to yourself when it hits.
Don't berate yourself with "shoulds". Remove that word from your mind. Also, when you are not around people, they are not thinking of you - they are into their lives! They are foremost in their minds.
My life word has been "Endure". When it hits, I know I can Endure! I have plenty of practice!
Hope you can enjoy the Holiday season in some way. You are not alone - you have - You!

Can’t figure out how to edit a comment, I said I was taking small amounts of hydromorphone for neck pain but I should have said hydrocodone. The latter is not as strong and usually hydromorphone is only used in a hospital setting.
My error!

@gently I have suffered from depression my whole life. Now I look back on my life and regret all the poor choices I made, always digging myself into a hole, and this makes the present miserable. The holidays are very hard. How does one get a stellate ganglion block?

bewildered,
the blocks are often given through pain clinics. If you google your city name with Stellate Ganglion Block for depression you'll find a the closest practitioner. https://painandspinespecialists.com/treatments/stellate-ganglion-blocks/sgb-for-depression/
I saw Lipov https://dreugenelipov.com/
I'm sorry you are in the quicksand. Sometimes the harder we struggle the deeper we sink. But you recognize how self destructive those negative thoughts can become and how they can ruin the present. And that is a healthy start. I hope the block will break the cycle of self criticism for things past.
Bless your New Year.

So very sorry you are feeling so down. Unfortunately, ‘‘tis the season,” for many of us. I’m not sure how long you’ve been on duloxetine, but in my experience, it does wear off after several years. It does help with physical pain, however, so perhaps you can go on a relatively low dose and then add a new medication like Trintellix, which is one of the more energizing antidepressants. I tried it but felt really nauseous on it so stopped it. I know now that I should have taken a lower dose and stayed on it so my body could acclimate before increasing the dose. After being on duloxetine for many years, I am now on Viibryd (Vilazodone) which has worked for me. Besides the meds, you certainly have had a lot of stressful situations in your life recently, enough to depress just about anyone. Besides a therapist, a grief therapy group might also be helpful. Other activities I’ve found helpful when I’m depressed and unmotivated include cold showers (they sort of reset your body), gentle yoga and meditation, spending time in nature and with a pet (even fostering a cat or a dog, the latter of which will get you out moving and walking), creative works like coloring, drawing, painting, dancing and/or singing to your favorite music, and last but not least, reading historical fiction—which will take you out of your world. Other things like journaling and exercising on a trampoline, have also helped me. The latter is very invigorating and you don’t need to jump hard if you have back issues. I’m not sure about your age, but anyone over the age of 40 has lost a great deal of NAD, which keeps the cells in good shape and is essential in ensuring that our mitochondria are able to process much less produce energy. I am post-menopausal and have found that taking 500-700 mg. per day (in the a.m.) of NMN (NAD precursor) really helps with my energy. I know how hard it is to push yourself in your situation, but a therapist told me that pushing yourself to go outside or get out of your depression cushion was a must. Hoping that you can turn the corner on your current state, soon.

You say: "Been prone to depression and for long time it was truly seasonal affected but last two years all the time."

That is very encouraging because it seems it has been further worsened for reasons Outside of Your Control: Your pets loss; grandchild's brain cancer. Death and disease has been a constant companion in our lives all time, everywhere.

Now SAD is easy to understand: Just ask Winter Playfully: How are you?
I bet You know the answer: It's WE who Make winter miserable, unfriendly.
But not everyone -- we'll be having WINTER Olympics. Ever heard Spring or or Fall one's?
Looks we are made to PLAY -- no matter the weather.
Actually a play therapist believes opposite of play is Depression.
Some have even argued humans as not just Sapiens but 'Ludens,' 'playfuls.'

Too often loss of our inborn curiosity -- such as about people, places is just gets SLOWLY replaced with what works against our innate vitality. Ever wondered how does a toddler-on-four strains to stand against a chair leg? Next you know she is out the door jumping in water and climbing trees!

Our lives are too precious to not live Fully -- Purposefully, whatever direction Your north star takes you seek it and the world will be better for it.

I had a brief deep sense of hopelessness in my twenties for understandable reasons, and many challenges with employment since then, yet no health issues. Now at 82, I still use no meds, no tests, haven't seen my GP for some ten years and rarely before that, have good sleep+nap and days planned to use my precious time such that I won't regret.

I like others wud love to hear Your Next Steps.