Hello. 2 failed neck fusions + post op bleed.
Trusting neurosurgeons has blown the gates of hell pain existence wide open. Intollerant to gabapentin, Lyrica, lidocaine infusions (exacerbated pain). Pain blocks all failed. Turned down for spinal implant. Dropped by both neurosurgeons. #1, "I was wrong". #2 "You knew the risks". Movement of arms & shoulders now causes indescribable pain with pins, needles, numbness. Burning of left hand, forearm & upper arm is intolerable. Despair is all I feel .
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@mrmacabre
Oh no. Pray someone with talent can help you. Glad your wife was there to prevent a fall.
@gus0557
Honestly, your thought provoking text is where I was months ago. With each day down, another herculean effort to claw through this existence. With lack of answers, increasing pain and decreases in ability to walk due to push down of weight on my body parts (feel like I'm 2000 pounds). My posterior neck, shoulders and arms are now asleep. Beyond dire straights. Existing in this state is the hardest thing I've ever done. My physical being pulverised, burned and frankly now being eaten alive by pain is at times terror evoking. Metal health overload from despair of severe severe pain. Thankyou for being kind enough to take time to share. Think I have been holding out for a miracle. Not sure how much longer my body/mind can take the punishment. My neurological battle has become bigger than me. Ground down Gus. My inner strength is thinning. May you find some peace in some serene moments my friend.
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1 Reaction@agony
Believe me I feel your pain because I am in pain. And now that I’m in pain, I can definitely understand anyone who is in pain. The nervous system is the most complex in our body and when it goes chaotic, it bears down hard and heavy. Things can go haywire. But, you’re still alive and still breathing, just don’t give up even though your body is telling you so. Your spirit is what will carry you through. Mind over matter is not a true statement at all. It is spirit over matter. “Don’t believe everything you think”. It’s the title of a book by Joseph Nguyen that essentially says thinking (mind) is the root cause of our suffering. There’s you and your spirit and then there’s your mind. They are two sides of the same coin or your body. It’s your mind telling you about your pain. Work on your spirit so it can take over the control and let the mind do the things it’s meant to do. The thoughts come from deep within you and not from your mind. It all needs practice.
Please, just don’t let your spirit give up even though your body is telling you differently.
Take care and keep up the fight. Besides, you’re fighting for you.
Try to have a serene night,
gus