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Hello. 2 failed neck fusions + post op bleed.

Posted by agony @agony, Dec 6, 2025

Trusting neurosurgeons has blown the gates of hell pain existence wide open. Intollerant to gabapentin, Lyrica, lidocaine infusions (exacerbated pain). Pain blocks all failed. Turned down for spinal implant. Dropped by both neurosurgeons. #1, "I was wrong". #2 "You knew the risks". Movement of arms & shoulders now causes indescribable pain with pins, needles, numbness. Burning of left hand, forearm & upper arm is intolerable. Despair is all I feel .

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agony | @agony | Dec 10, 2025
In reply to @mrmacabre "@agony Guess what? The random electric shocks are slowly coming back, I was getting stabbed just..." + (show)
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@agony Guess what? The random electric shocks are slowly coming back, I was getting stabbed just above my right knee and in my left thigh at the same time for a couple of minutes last night. It got so bad I got out of my chair and tried to walk, but I couldn't without holding on to something. If my wife hadn't been there to help I probably would have fallen down.
If this continues it probably means seeing a neurosurgeon, again.

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@mrmacabre
Oh no. Pray someone with talent can help you. Glad your wife was there to prevent a fall.

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agony | @agony | Dec 10, 2025
In reply to @gus0557 "@agony Hello, Thank you so much for your reply. Hope only disappears when we die. As..." + (show)
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@agony
Hello,
Thank you so much for your reply.
Hope only disappears when we die. As long as there is breath in us, we must keep forging ahead and keep fighting. It’s never over until it’s over. I chose to forge ahead even with all the pain I am feeling on a daily basis and avoid the opioids. And believe me I am in pain, but I will not allow it to control me and I will not allow my mind either to succumb to the pain. Our minds play bad tricks on us. Our strength comes from way deep inside us and not from our brains. We need to tap inside for strength to rise above the pain. It’s never easy but we can never give up and allow the pain to have the upper hand.
I wish you the very best and hope you will keep trying to forge ahead and never give up.
Take care and have a serene rest of your week,
gus

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@gus0557
Honestly, your thought provoking text is where I was months ago. With each day down, another herculean effort to claw through this existence. With lack of answers, increasing pain and decreases in ability to walk due to push down of weight on my body parts (feel like I'm 2000 pounds). My posterior neck, shoulders and arms are now asleep. Beyond dire straights. Existing in this state is the hardest thing I've ever done. My physical being pulverised, burned and frankly now being eaten alive by pain is at times terror evoking. Metal health overload from despair of severe severe pain. Thankyou for being kind enough to take time to share. Think I have been holding out for a miracle. Not sure how much longer my body/mind can take the punishment. My neurological battle has become bigger than me. Ground down Gus. My inner strength is thinning. May you find some peace in some serene moments my friend.

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gus0557 | @gus0557 | Dec 10, 2025
In reply to @agony "@gus0557 Honestly, your thought provoking text is where I was months ago. With each day down,..." + (show)
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@gus0557
Honestly, your thought provoking text is where I was months ago. With each day down, another herculean effort to claw through this existence. With lack of answers, increasing pain and decreases in ability to walk due to push down of weight on my body parts (feel like I'm 2000 pounds). My posterior neck, shoulders and arms are now asleep. Beyond dire straights. Existing in this state is the hardest thing I've ever done. My physical being pulverised, burned and frankly now being eaten alive by pain is at times terror evoking. Metal health overload from despair of severe severe pain. Thankyou for being kind enough to take time to share. Think I have been holding out for a miracle. Not sure how much longer my body/mind can take the punishment. My neurological battle has become bigger than me. Ground down Gus. My inner strength is thinning. May you find some peace in some serene moments my friend.

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@agony
Believe me I feel your pain because I am in pain. And now that I’m in pain, I can definitely understand anyone who is in pain. The nervous system is the most complex in our body and when it goes chaotic, it bears down hard and heavy. Things can go haywire. But, you’re still alive and still breathing, just don’t give up even though your body is telling you so. Your spirit is what will carry you through. Mind over matter is not a true statement at all. It is spirit over matter. “Don’t believe everything you think”. It’s the title of a book by Joseph Nguyen that essentially says thinking (mind) is the root cause of our suffering. There’s you and your spirit and then there’s your mind. They are two sides of the same coin or your body. It’s your mind telling you about your pain. Work on your spirit so it can take over the control and let the mind do the things it’s meant to do. The thoughts come from deep within you and not from your mind. It all needs practice.
Please, just don’t let your spirit give up even though your body is telling you differently.
Take care and keep up the fight. Besides, you’re fighting for you.
Try to have a serene night,
gus

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