My mind is shutting down

ndlovincowgirl,
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12225999/
I'm sorry that your coworkers are telling you what your unhinged daughter is saying. And sorry that your daughter is unhinged and has probably been difficult to raise. While I suspect that what she is saying is untrue, she may be interested in the windfall.
I don't know what your intentions are with your will, but I think you should spend all of it getting well.
There is so much research with breakthroughs in clinical trials. And it might cost a little to travel to them.
If you didn't have to "make nice" in order to see your grandsons you might ask why someone who doesn't care if she dies should inherit anything. Keep your will private and leave every thing to the grandsons when they reach maturity. You can't help but take your daughter's statements as a stab to the heart, but you should recover knowing that she isn't well. Bless your health.

@ndlovincowgirl
Sorry to hear about your health and your daughter.

Are you married? Do you have other family/friends and a support system?

How did your daughter tell your coworkers she didn’t care that you die?!! Where were they that allowed this scenario and how did your coworkers react/respond to her cold/heartless comment?!

Has your daughter always been this way? Do other family members, her husband, friends see the narcissism in your daughter? I can relate with a child with ADHD who also has some autism/sensory sensitivities, anxiety, OCD, etc. and he (and my ex husband with similar symptoms) has a lack of empathy in many cases and says/does things impulsively which can be very cold/mean. It shocks me at times. When I was all with him afterwards to let him know how his behavior and comments affect me, he seems to get it and feels bad but I know he will do/say similar things again. He is medicated now but can’t imagine how he would be off medication. Sadly, your daughter’s ADHD and narcissism will negatively affect her husband and children. I also had narcissistic parents and it is terrible because they don’t care about their children’s feelings and expect the world to revolve around them.

I would make sure you have a psychologist that specializes in supporting people with serious medical conditions to help them deal with all of the many emotions and issues you need to deal with. You may benefit from working with a psychiatrist to help you with antidepressant medications to support your mental health so you can be able to handle day to day. It is good you have a positive attitude but medication and counseling can help support you so you don’t burnout.

@gently
Love your response!

I was thinking the same thing that she needs to care for her health as a priority while planning for when she passes. I agree that she needs to work with an attorney to put her estate in a trust for her grandsons to inherit at a certain age. She can also donate to nonprofit organizations that mean something to her or friends/extended family that have cared for her throughout her life.

@dlydailyhope I work at a hotel and she has my oldest's grandson's bday parties there since he has a winter bday. She was talking to someone and said it. Her voice easily carries. So she was overheard. This was back in March and kept quiet. I am on depression and anxiety meds. This was just a massive shock. Family and friends support me and someone tries to meet me at Mayo with each trip. No one says anything to her anymore. First I don't lose what little contact I have with the grandsons. Second because none of us want her screaming at us. We refuse to give her control of anything. We just avoid her as much as we can. Shower love and attention on the boys when we can. And I'm leaving her nothing. Everything will be sold and the money divided between her boys in a trust. Oh, and I'm not married. I have been a single mom her whole life. No involvement of her sperm donor. Turned his back and walked when I found out it was a girl. Thank you for your reply.

Forgive her. She doesn't know what she is saying. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. Try to force yourself to do something special for yourself. Try to find whatever enjoyment in life the makes you happy. My mom died 2 years ago from Pancreatic Ca. She was a fighter, we never saw this coming. She would say that we are all just passing through.. Try to keep your chin up. Pray on the things you can't control. Peace be with you!!

First of all, my heart goes out to you. The stress of this, on top of your diagnosis must be unbelievably difficult. I am so sorry and am sending you "good vibes." The thing that stuck out is that your daughter is married. Have you spoken to her partner? Maybe you might gain some insight into your daughter's condition and/or her reasons for feeling so negatively toward you. Perhaps that can help with understanding this situation and may be a way to somehow resurrect your relationship via therapy or a one to one heart to heart conversation.

However, if this is unresolvable, I agree, given your daughter's sense of entitlement and despicable behavior (given what your friends told you is true), I would leave her nothing and put the inheritance into a trust for your grandkids...one that is legally ironclad and cannot be touched by your daughter or son-in-law. I understand your daughter may be mentally ill. But you are ill as well...terminally so! You deserve better than this. Just my two cents.

Thank you everyone. After a lot of thought I am just putting her out of my mind. I don't need or deserve her crap. So I booked a trip and my 21 year old nephew is going with me!! We're headed to Fl in March and we are both super excited as we both love theme parks. I cannot talk to my son-in-law as his life will become even more miserable if he tries to defend me. So be it. As one mentioned, I will be leaving everything to my grandsons. Anything I have of value will be sold by another nephew that will control their trust funds I already have. Ironclad so only the nephew has control and has the instructions on when they get the money. College paid for first!! I'm going to enjoy the hell out of christmas with these 2 little guys and make sure they know just how much I love them. And for now, to hell with my daughter. She has to live with her words and decisions. The rest of my family will be there for me. Again, thank you for your kind comments and reactions. Leia