No surgery here either but 15 years surviving with stage 4 and researching and educating myself about the disease that tried )and failed) to kill me.

First, be kind to yourself. Don't hold onto the idea that you smoked and did this to yourself. More than 80% of smokers never get cancer. No one deserves cancer, smoker or not. The fastest growing population of lung cancer patients never smoked or had other known risk factors.

At a recent lung cancer retreat there was a woman who had part of her lung removed 20 years ago. Another who had hers removed 23 years ago. Both former smokers if that helps. You have reason to hold hope close.