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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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@thisismarilynb bravo ! You are really special, an inspiration to all ! It does seem that more people are doing well into their 90s than I remember from years past…and you have much to teach the rest of us. Your open attitude is very good medicine.
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1 Reaction@nycmusic am 83. an hit. the gym 3 times aireek it helps
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5 Reactions@meh3 Well said. I will be turning 71 years young this month! I do not feel my age. I am able to think clearly, think logically and make decisions that will be made in our home. My spouse has numerous health problems. I am his Caregiver and I do it to the best of my ability. He trusts my judgement and occasionally he has a better idea. I thank God for this site. Take care!!!
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10 Reactions@sillyblone
Thank you! I appreciate people who have a positive attitude! I pray that God blesses you abundantly.
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3 Reactions@meh3
We have something in common. 🫂💞
@thisismarilynb
We moved to a retirement community for my husbands health & then the darn
guy died. I miss him everyday & have no grandchildren so I do get lonely & think about being infirm. What I really miss is having a sense of purpose. The policy here is that if you run out of savings & end up with just Medicaid & Social Security, they won't make you move out. That gives me some piece of mind. I am 80. Some assisted living places are hellholes, so you should shop around just in case. Do you also have a living will & advance directives?? K
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2 ReactionsI guess I think getting help helps the helper & me. When my son took me to the airport he wondered if he should go in with me & I said no. He started laughing & said,
"Oh, you're going to play the old lady card, right?"...... & I said, "YES!" As we always abhor rudeness, we / I always appreciate help or politeness. It gives someone a chance to do good for another.
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1 Reaction@kayraymat
I agree with you that some assisted living places and also independent living spaces are hell holes. I visited a couple of independent ones. I do not believe they can deliver what they promise. They are run by corporations that are only interested in the bottom line. They are unable to pay a living wage to really qualified help. They are small. I would not have been able to take any of my own things with me. My career was working in law offices and for the last 23 years I worked for a probate and trust specialist. So, yes I have the whole package, which includes, trust, will, directives, etc. We were not cheap but you know everything was done and done correctly when you left our office. I live in our home. My husband died 4 years ago. It is much cheaper than a tiny set of rooms in an independent facility. I have slowly been saving up money in a savings account. It doesn't make much interest but it is instantly available. This money will be used to pay for caregivers should that be needed. Right now I am 91 years old and in good health. My trustee is in agreement with me not to place me in such a facility. Unfortunately many people are "cheap" when it comes to paying for things that are for their own good. Instead of paying for a qualified trust attorney, they will go to these places that advertise trusts for $500.00. You cannot get everything you need for that price. And you don't even know if they are experts in that field. So I would end by saying investigate everything. And if you need to make a trust, go to someone who is qualified and pay the price and know that your heirs will not have to pay out estate money to clean up the mess you left behind.
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2 ReactionsOne way we affect the perceptions of aging is by stopping to worry about it—can’t stop age !— and enjoying whatever we can, and engaging with younger people, really listening to one another.
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1 Reaction@thisismarilynb
You are certainly prepared. Good for you.
I miss my house, garden, even mowing the lawn, but I was afraid upkeep
would drain me of savings so this seemed alright at the time.
I established a trust about 40 yrs ago for my son & it was an attorney who did it.
If my husband had not died, I guess this would be fine, but now I just have to
deal with what is.
Wish me luck as I wish you luck & thanks for the information.
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