Bill paying

@longboat1
Oh boy, didn’t know that was a possibility (the changes of health plans). Despite this being a conversation for probably seven years at least now, my dad will answer the minute his phone rings. It’s like a racehorse hearing the bell. Everything is dropped to get to the phone, and he will call spam numbers back if he missed it and of course they left no message. I have no idea what to do, I was just going to try to block all unknown numbers when I read this post from you. I’ll keep watching—hopefully someone has a good suggestion!

@babbsjoy
We’ve kind of taken this approach. Husband (84) has managed all our finances and that of a company where he and our son are partners. But time to do all this on the computer was increasing and mistakes were occurring. So I (81) started to sit beside him to check for things like transposed digital, wrong dates, forgotten steps and now we are just to the point where we have reversed those roles. We both realize that I need to be taking responsibility for this as I am a bit younger, in much better health, and a bit more adept with current technology .. but he gets very frustrated that he is not as mentally alert as he was and gets rather depressed about the mistakes he is making. I’m fortunate that he still knows what is happening but is just so much slower than he was, at typing and thinking hus way through solving problems that occur. So I’m learning to accept that more of my time is going to this and I’m trying to learn as much as I can before the inevitable will occur.

@lcl44
Oh my, I really feel for you. I kind of expected to have to address some of these issues with my father at some point, but to go through this with a spouse has to be especially hard. You are handling a very difficult situation with such sensitivity and love, not to mention courage, you inspire me. Thank you for sharing something that is working for you!

Thank you @babbsjoy! I don’t feel as successful as it seems I implied! 😉
I am now sitting beside him as he has taken control of the mouse! And it is painful to watch the slow movements and I want to grab it from him and *scream* but what good will that do? Only make him feel worse than I know he is already feeling, which I don’t want. But meanwhile the Clock keeps ticking and chores remain undone …

@lcl44
You made no implications! I just count it a win, whenever we caretakers can bite our tongues and take the high road of patience and empathy. It is a hard road sometimes. I can so relate to wanting to get chores done, wanting to get to appointments on time, ETC. It can be super frustrating!

Then Dad will look deep into my eyes so as to “hear” what I am saying and I melt, and realize I need to summon love and compassion to win over my natural task/goal orientation and communicate warmth and respect. Don’t always succeed, I know—but I am always grateful to hear of others striving to live this out too!