@kiddo14 "Wherever you go, there you are." I read that somewhere. I hope that you are now located in an area where you have support. Familiarity helps. Even if it's the checkout clerks at the grocery store! Everyone needs to feel like they belong.
As far as research...you are not alone. I have enough self-help books to start my own bookstore. I found that I can read all I want and have a wealth of knowledge, but I had to move my feet to get anywhere. What is it that you are hoping for regarding everything that seems messed up? What's one thing, even if it's small, that you can do to tidy up? Perhaps this will generate some movement, so you don't feel so stuck in the muck.