@lkbous
I'm so sorry to read about how you and others are dealing with loneliness and isolation. My husband and I are each other's best friend and neither one of us have many outside friends. As he progresses, I am feeling more and more isolated. When I couldn't get DH to understand how I felt, and in fact, refused to put my feelings first on anything, I felt so lost and trapped. I curled up in a ball at one point and wailed for a day and half. I call the doctor and started on Lexapro and when to the county's council on aging and asked for a reference to a therapist that would understand my situation. I got lucky and found the right one out of the gate. We talk regularly, and with the meds, I am a different person.
You are so smart to get the living trust out of the way now. As soon as I suspected my DH's diagnosis, we worked to get our trusts set up. I wanted everything official long before he was actually diagnosed so it cannot be contested. We set up separate trusts because we married late in life and did not blend our families. Therefore our estates are handled separately and each other is set up as the other's beneficiary and administrator.
I've set up a call with our attorney because I want to change a couple of things now that the Alz his progressing noticeably. I want my son to be my administrator and have POA in case I go first or am incapacitated. I also want my husband to spell out what, if anything, he wants to change. Specifically, he is taking life-saving heart medication for CHF and ATTR-CM. The latter is a killer. I want to know at what point, if at all, would he like to discontinue his heart meds.
He either didn't want to answer or didn't understand the question. I originally got him to the table to finalize our trusts by telling him that if he didn't tell me what he wanted, when he's gone, I'm selling EVERYTHING - which is not what he wanted. This time around, I told him that if he doesn't let me know what he wants to happen, as soon as he is not longer him, I'm discontinuing the meds. That got him to agree to talk. Of course he doesn't remember the discussion, so we'll need to have it again right before the call with the attorney, so he remembers and can state what he wants. One of the things I was told to expect with this diagnosis is the have the same conversation hundreds of times - maybe more. It's true.
For everyone dealing with this a loved one in this condition, it's so important to know what they want early