Hi @angiede2001
I certainly can relate to the "holding pattern" Yes, we want to see our loved ones get better each day but when that does not happen, we become discouraged. That is so normal for the caregiver to feel a moment of despair. I have experienced that feeling many times when I was taking care of my husband in the last years of his life; however, I also knew that it was one more day that I had him in my life to enjoy even though he was very sick and needed constant attention. If you can get away for several hours or have friends over to break the
tension, that would help. In my journey, I did have help three days a week which was a very big deal for me even if only 2 hours each time. I also put myself on the treadmill everyday for 20 minutes each day which helped with the stress. Please know you are not alone
in your quest for better health for your loved one. Several weeks ago, I lost the love of life and now realize the "holding pattern" was one more day with him. Take care!! ozys

Sorry..didn't answer very quickly and then found out I had to redo my password. Phone isn't working well..so..frustration..avoidance. 🙂 I had a good Easter also. My kids came to church with us and then out to lunch. There were icy road conditions, so we all had to go home. Yes, this holding pattern is very hard. I tend to isolate some. I don't really know the answers to the questions people ask. We have always had some marital problems, so when I become angry, then I have to deal with guilt. His kidney functions was 17% 2 mo ago. The dr didn't believe it. The dr wanted him to redo it in a week, but of course, Jack didn't. Jack had it redone yesterday, and his level is 18%. Creatinine is down below 4 again (from 6.8). I think he feels better, so he has more energy and can enjoy upsetting me...how is that for honesty 🙁

Potassium is low, but I think they will fix that pretty easily...pills for 3 days, then increase it in his diet.

so sorry, Ozys. Sounds as though you were really close to him.

I wrote an answer, but it didn't go anywhere :). He is at 18% now, and creatinine is under 4. We have never gotten along well so as he begins to feel better, he seems to have the strength to enjoy upsetting me more. Jekyll and Hyde routine. I don't do really well with the challenges..tend to isolate, coz don't like to be judged for telling the story of how it really can be. I do have a friend or two that I share with. I am in a Bible study, Sunday School class and choir.. good church folks, but not too many I will really share with. Even my best friend..feel like she is avoiding some of the conversation I need to spill. She told me that she thought I would be handling this better, as a Christian. She is prob. trying to avoid making such a HUGE error again. It may help to spill to you. We need a lot of work done on the house, and I will have to fight with him, because he doesn't want anyone messing with his stuff ( garage..measurement, house needs to be jacked up). His potassium was low, but they are just going to give him a supplement for 3 days and then have me increase it in his diet.

Hi angiede2001: Over the last couple of years with hubby who suffered damaged kidneys and several UTI's was somewhat hard to deal with toward the end. His numbers were comparable to your husbands. Some of my friends who have experienced urology and kidney problems report an experience of allusions, unreal expectations from their loved ones. One might say a mental break down and some nastiness comes out with unreal dreams at night which the patient takes as a real experience. Many days my husband didn't understand why I didn't know what he was talking about. Sometimes he lived in a totally different world. I just went along with whatever he said was the truth for the day. His appetite was terrible and as I understood the disease, there was a reason why he didn't want to eat. The urea
had built up so high that it affected the taste of everything that was offered to him. So sorry you are alone. I know what that can do to
your mental well being. You are to be commended for "handling it", our friends who have not been through the 24/7 care giving role can]
not judge us nor should they? In the end, most people just don't want to hear bad news. It got so I just couldn't reach out to friends because it was the same old story for 12 years. Hang in there and do the best you can for yourself, which is hard and know you are
doing the hardest job in the world.
Best wishes,
ozys