I’m going through this. We were high school sweethearts & after 16 years apart reconnected and married. We celebrated our first anniversary in the hospital after emergency colon resection & were later told it was stage 4 & he was terminal. That was 3 years ago so I’m still going through it. The uncertainty of how long he has & the inability to plan our future as well as the fact that he’s never going to be who he was before cancer I’m still grieving. Our lives changed overnight & none of my friends understand that or the financial ruin. My vehicle was repossessed last week and we’re struggling to stay in our home now. We were middle class. He can’t work and doesn’t get a retirement pension. He was 42 at diagnosis & I was 38 . I didn’t expect to have to shoulder the weight of all the jobs, work full time, take care of his needs - be the only point of social connection for him, keep house, raise kids and everything else. He is wiped out & could sleep like Rumplestilskin if I’d allow it. The burden of our daily life is paralyzing sometimes. But I wouldn’t trade it for another version of reality without him. You are strong enough to carry this carer role. You get to flip out sometimes. You have feelings to o & they matter. You don’t get carried. You do the carrying. Find a way to feel carried in some way. This makes me feel like I’m not alone. I’m sorry you’re bearing this burden.