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@amberpep, hi Abby, it's good to hear from you. Yeah, i think im better on that front. Still have the aching heart lonliness. Since i dont see anyone in my future? But i still have the longing for someone special, and i miss that kind of love and caring.. I remember some of our parting words i used to ask my ex if he would make me some jnstant oatmeal sometimes in the morning because of the pain in my legs, and sometimes i would stand behind him when he was at his desk working on the bills, and i would rub his neck, shoulders, and wherever i could reach. One time i did that and after, he went and lay down in bed and cried. He said he didnt know why and i told him he had a lot of stress and tension he was carrying in his neck and shoulders and crying was getting rid of it. I guess i did a pretty good job that day. Well to thank me for that, one of our discussions went like this, "you treat me like a servant , oh you mean because i sometimes ask for oatmeal in the am? He said yes. I asked him, was i treating you like a servant all those times i rubbed your neck and shoulders? No, and that was that." As i walked out the door he was crying really hard and called me the love of his life. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Why didn't he ever say something like that before?
To this day i still dont understand him. Oh Abby, im sorry for bending your ear. Sometimes j look back over my life and i feel like such a failure and i made so many mistakes. I'll close for now. Take care of yourself Abby. The world is a better place with you in it. Judy
Replies to "@amberpep, hi Abby, it's good to hear from you. Yeah, i think im better on that..."
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dany, you're not a failure by any means. You had the courage to get out of a bad situation, and even though it's painful, you know somehow that it would be better for you in the long run ..... you are NOT a failure .... he is. I laugh at this now, even though it is far from funny, but all the years we were married, he never did anything for Mother's Day. One time when the kids were in their teens, I asked him about that and he taciturnly said, "well, you're not my mother!" I cannot even imagine saying that to him or anyone else. The kids sat at the table like their eyes were going to fall out of their head. I wanted to say "so what are these people sitting at the table? just pet animals?" Life was filled with things like that and I just swallowed and took it. But, then as my therapist says, "Good Suzy went away and her sassy sister took over." LOVED IT! Once I realized I was a person with rights too, despite his attitude, he was not about to get away with any of that garbage anymore. Now, we get along well enough to have a holiday meal with our 3 adult kids, but I think he's a bit shocked at the changes in me ... no longer the conservative, navy blue only, perfect person ..... on no ..... I'm sassy, I wear 3" hoops in my ears, and I have the front of my hair colored dark blue and purple ... the rest is blonde. I love it and feel really good about it.
You're going to get there dany, you really are ..... just keep remembering that you are a woman with rights, he does not own you, and the things you do for him are a show of generosity on your part .... something I doubt he always deserves.
Take care my friend,
abby