Caregiver burnout and my Dad who I have been caring for 24/7 fired me

No he actually likes my pups. When he “went down” as he refers to I was sleeping and he tried calling me but my phone was either downstairs or dead or mistakingly on silent. He was able to walk then opened my door and yelled at me for sleeping and not answering my phone. The next morning I drove him to the hospital. He was in hospital for a week. Meanwhile, I’m coordinating house renovations, texting him every day for his medical updates, responding to all his requests, had a car accident and dealing with rental, ins etc, He was fine with me the whole time until he saw me on the house camera return with 2 coffees for a friend who helps me around the house, rides until I get rental etc. My father has 7 cameras around the house. So when he saw that he texted I had time to get coffee but not visit him in hospital.

Thank you for the suggestion. The hospital told me we would have a mediator to try and work it out. I showed up and I was blindsided. My half brother, his girlfriend, my uncle, nurse practitioner, facilitator, dad and I were in attendance. I was told that Dawn my bro gf was trained to do dressing changes, a calendar for 24 hour supervision to be made, I’m done caring for him… I was in shock.

Dealing with schedules for people and not understanding each persons personal motives behind their reason for volunteering can be unsettling. Finding out the dynamics and personalities time schedules and care schedules is a process that needs to be dealt with. With a mediator that knows how to mediate properly , will take time with the group to know the people and to work with them all and not just let one person take over without knowing the person motives, because each person in the group has his own motive if they are not cohesive with working as a team. I am sorry you were blind sided sometimes a mediator has no idea what to do right and doesn't take the time to know the personalities of the group and makes bad decisions. That sounds like what happened to you.
Did you think it was a good mediator? If not ask for help from the source where the mediator was elected to mediate and give you honest concerns.
NOT all people come to a meeting about care giving with honest desire to be a honest and true team player. Motives behind their being there should be the mediators concern to pay attention to. Good luck with this. I also have to look at my motives in my actions also. I may not be sharing properly.

So very true. I know the motive of my brother and his girlfriend. It is money and my Dad has a lot of it. They just want me gone and out of the house and are doing everything possible to succeed.

The VA offers Mind, Body healing through Whole Health. The course takes up where the doctors leave off. The patient is given a "toolbox" of self-help practices. One that is particularly helpful is mindfulness awareness. It helps the patient stop the racing thoughts that he/she reacts to and offers the ability to view the environment, the surroundings, as they are and without judgement. From this there is a reveal as to a good action following the notice of one's surroundings. The idea is to enable life more in the present without the reflection of the past that often goes along with the ruminating thoughts. Often a veteran has been in trauma and struggles to recover. His lack of gratitude for your efforts seem to stem from not looking at the here and now. Often these situations are driven by physical and/or emotional pain. The patient hasn't learned pain management and stays in our basic mode of fight or flight. This condition acts on its own and the patient must seek a more suitable outlook or mode to orient to. Providers are trained in mindfulness so as to be alert in Triage and around the clinic.

@jojok My father is also Vietnam vet with Parkinson’s from agent orange. I also navigated the VA for 2 years and he was award 100% disability. It was a hard road to navigate but it was worth it. I don’t know how we would manage without those benifits. His medical is covered and prescriptions. He also gets a nice allotment that we use toward help caregiver. My mom has been on hospice and she needs 24 hour care. The last two weeks she can’t stand or walk. Dad has Parkinson’s Lewie body which has a lot of the mental challenges like hallucinations and delusions. He still has no balance, freezing legs and tremors of Parkinson. His speech is very slurred and quiet. He has diabetes and CHF as well. I am the main caregiver. We pay our hired caregiver for 35 hours a week. At $700 a week. That’s why the VA PACT money is appreciated so much. My father gets in his military moods a lot. He was a captain and was used to giving orders. He has night mares still every night. Now with the hallucinations and delusions you can imagine they are always about people in the days of Vietnam. The ones he lost or his superiors. One time in the middle of the night he was upset because the Germans were not negotiating like they said they would. He took me to a spot in the room & said here he is. You tell to negotiate like he is supposed to. I told dad I can’t make him negotiate it I can tell him to leave and not come back until he is ready. So I asked the imagined German to leave our house. Dads said thank you. He back to bed. He also is very paranoid about people taking his stufff, his money etc…even me sometimes.

@pebbles2661 You have your hands full! I'm so grateful for the care my husband and I receive from the VA for his Agent Orange/Parkinson's diagnosis. You may be eligible for more benefits from the VA. My husband and I are given fifteen hours a week of home health aide care, five hours three days a week, and my husband is also eligible for respite care in a VA approved unit which gives me a break occasionally.
I agree that the best way to handle the nightmare delusions is to go along with them and soothe the person by taking care of the problem. Good for you for getting rid of the enemy! We've had quite a few scenarios where I've needed to talk my husband down by taking care of the situation as if it were real. I've steered a boat away from the rocks, I've helped when there were dead bodies everywhere and cared for my husband when he's broken into loud sobs in the middle of the night. Some nights, with the bathroom visits and the nightmares, we have very little sleep. But Parkinson's makes the person awake at night and asleep during the day so if you hope to ever get any sleep at night then that cycle needs to be broken if possible.
My husband also is paranoid but not all the time fortunately. He told me this morning as I was dressing him in clean clothing after a common bathroom 'accident' that he wanted to get out of my clutches. I began to explain to him that the alternative was going to be long term care but I need to keep reminding myself that being rational doesn't work.
It sounds like your mother may need hospice. I wish you strength, courage and faith to keep going with everything you are doing. Your parents are so blessed to have you!
The VA also has caregiver support. I hope you have a moment to call them for help. I was so busy and exhausted taking care of my husband that I didn't have time to call. My son stepped up and worked with the VA to get me the support I needed. He was polite and persistent, always calling them back to ask if there was progress. He had the energy that I didn't have. You might benefit from an advocate too. Eventually I also began to get a caregiver's stipend too. You may be eligible for that as well. As long as the caregivers can take care of their loved ones, the government is relieved of the cost of paying for long term care which is very expensive. I wish you the very best of luck. We are certainly taking an intense course in learning to be patient!