Nature is my link to reality.

Nature is a refuge for me also. Although it's mostly taking photos through my computer room window of the little critters. Felt really bad for this squirrel with a botfly tumor on his neck...never thought I would feel bad for a squirrel, have so many of them running around the yard.

I am not a fan of the bushy-tailed rodents-yet if I see one suffering I do feel sad. I was aggressively attacked by one early one morning and this concerned me as squirrels are not typically aggressive-rabies? Nope, someone was feeding them fruitloops-sugar withdrawal. Now, this in my opinion is cruel...I realize they are cute...going to feed them feed them something healthy and does not turn them into aggressive beasts-any wonder children behave aggressively when they do not get their sugar?

Long term, treatment resistant depression is a challenge, add chronic pain to the mix and there are many having a hard time getting the help they need. Once one has a diagnosis in the mental health system it is difficult to get any MD to take a physical diagnosis seriously. Trying to navigate the hoops is becoming overwhelming and being old certainly does not help.

Not one given to self-pity and always an active person-I oft do wonder what else there is to offer anyone...I have 5 grand children and want to spend time w/ them...just cannot do so.

I am thankful as I am still ambulatory and can still drive even though there are times I just cannot and trying to plan for anything is difficult as I don't know from one day to the next when my physical body will be cooperative...this exacerbates the depression and it becomes an endless cycle of trying resulting in times I don't want to even try...there are days I do not.

I oft do wonder is there any purpose left? Yet, I am far better off than many and I endeavor to be thankful. I would much rather be working.

@parus You express your feelings/thoughts very well in spite of depression - my guess is that you might have been an English teacher at one time or perhaps an avid reader, at least. I appreciate your sharing. Aging does tend to add to the difficulties we encounter and does make it hard, although not impossible, to work towards a better life. Teresa

I do have non-feline and -rodent "window" buddies too. Some of them even give me the look. ☺

@hopeful33250 Thank you...a minor in English and not a teacher...more of a poet and artist. I am focusing on being more accepting of my own limitations and not groveling in the murky past. Indeed a challenge. As is true of others, as I read here, physical limitations can pull forcibly on self esteem and and at times (too often) I find myself in maudlin mush. Self pity gets this new member no where and as I have stated afore, depression is a liar. So easily come the words, so insurmountable the wall, doth, at times seem.

Thank you for the time and effort you put forth.

@parus

Thank you for your note and kind words - once again your words are so descriptive, "not groveling in the murky past," "maudlin mush" and "so insurmountable the wall, doth, at times seem." I can hear the poetry in your words and I appreciate it!

Teresa